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The Crossfire Xmas Jam 2010

The official Crossfire Xmas Jam 2010 edit by Alan Christensen. Filmed by Alan Christensen, Nick Richards and Joe Moynihan.

Words: Stanley
Photography: Tom Halliday and Dom Marley

Over the past eight years a lot has happened within the cozy sphere of living we call skateboarding. Shiny discs with easter eggs came in and locked VHS up in the junk room only to be touched by the boney skeletal finger of the digital grim reaper a couple years later, we lost a couple magazines, we gained a few new ones, scooters are selling more than skateboards for the first time ever and yet skate companies are being born as if an entire generation of UK skateboarders missed out on the business studies lesson where they covered contraception. It’s all a little confusing and unsettling to be honest. So, at the end of another confusing year we decided that there was only one thing we could possibly do. Invite you all to Bay 66 and go skateboarding. What else?

There really wasn’t any alternative; for a start we do it every year, and every year we love it more than ever. But more importantly, a jam is still one of the most positive things one can involve themselves in for skateboarding regardless of whatever the economical climate currently looks like. A jam provides UK skateboarders of all ages with a place to meet like-minded creatives and explore the myriad of ways in which one can get rad on their wheely-board, which sounds awesome enough, but on top of that you will always meet new friends, witness amazing talent and be reminded just how rewarding skateboarding is. We’re sure most of you know this already, but given the sad circumstances that surrounded the park in which we always – with great pleasure – hold all of our annual festive jams, it feels appropriate to point out just how effective these events are at giving the young people of the UK something postive to focus their attention on. So, in another attempt to remind the youth that there’s a lot more to life than drugs, disrespecting women and riding shitty little scooters we invited you all to London’s beloved sheltered park (hopefully not for the last time) and you all came and smashed it. As in, totally, totally smashed it. Good work.

After some trouble with the sound system which led to myself, Zac and Brewster twiddling knobs like Dickfingers does whenever he has nothing better to do, we finally had Brewster’s charming vocal stylings flooding into the ears of the London yoof. Good thing too, as it was high time for them to start throwing themselves over the little driveway for the chance of a fresh Blueprint deck and fifty quids worth of Slam City Skates vouchers. And throw themselves they did, in a kind of bizarre mature manner. Sure there was havoc, but maybe the 100 little Alfies that normally walk in the way and cock things up spent this winter with the snaking scooter crews in concrete parks throughout the country, meaning that the havoc was kind of controlled. Orderly queues were formed and boards were flying everywhere and we more stoked and impressed with the standards of the unsponsored jam than ever before.

We weren’t too stoked on the theft of Alex Diss’ tapes from the unsponsored jam though. Zorlac compensates his loss by being rad. (Photo: Tom Halliday)

Below: Darius Trabalza is sick. Watch out for him. (Photo: Tom Halliday)

We genuinely had to ask most of the winners if they were sponsored or not, especially considering how many pros and ams were sneaking in runs before their time. Daryl Dominguez got up early as if he intended to eat the driveway for breakfast, but it was the young and very smiley Darius Trabalsza who got the worm with a positively monstrous hardflip over the box to flat in a way that would impress Daryl himself. Huge catch and caught proper bolts. Brewster and I had little trouble awarding Darius with the prize, he really got the idea of a competition going and he fully earned his deck and should also earn your attention in the future. Look out for that smiley dude.

Before we followed the schedule to the next spot, a couple of unashamed moshers were trying their hand at the ski jump to such ridiculous results that we almost contemplated throwing the entire schedule out the window and have a gnarliest backflip competition on the launch ramp. One backflip later though and our mosher tendencies were more than satisfied, permitting us to stop kidding ourselves and return to where all the good stuff was happening: BaySixty6’s new hip with the long jersey quarter on top of it. A perfect setting for some Busenitz grind action and maybe even some Cory Kennedy hip flip trick ridiculousness. Things were kicking off straight away as the obstacle was given its first Xmas Jam treatment, with Felipe Dalcin going in hard for a mighty kickflip noseslide sadly nailing it just after the whistle. With Brewster in charge Crossfire minutes are just 60 seconds long I’m afraid; Spanky runs a tight ship that’s for sure. A shame for Felipe as it was an early contender for trick of the day, but Jason Cloete’s stream of smooth technical wizardry (landing bigger flips cleaner than Marc Johnson) set the consistency level for the rest of the unsponsored comp, if you’re gonna win you’re going to have be better than this kid. It’s remarkable that he hasn’t landed a proper sponsor yet, though that fact might have something to do with how much of a sleazy bastard he was at the after party (props though, standard). Whatever you’ve heard about Jason Cloete, what you need to know is the little shitbag kills it.

Below: Jason Cloete prior to all the sleaze (Photo: Tom Halliday)

Indeed, the Cloete show continued as the jam took it to BaySixty6’s newer, gnarlier, Amazonian waterfall of a Wembley/Euro/Step Up gap. Backside 360 kickflips, triple kickflips and more first try bedwetters, probably before people learnt to get out the way of the landing area too. When it did though, Baystation 666 was subjected to technical madness at its very raddest. Drawing Boards’ Isaac Miller took his opportunity to front 360 and backside heel as fluidly and nonchalantly as one would nollie over a crack in the pavement. We originally had some doubts at how many unsponsored kids could tackle the new Euro beast but in just 20 minutes we had our uncertainties handed to us on a plate as Jamal Breniss tore the gap a new backside (this kid can also stick a mean sticker around; the decorations you see in these pictures before you are courtesy of myself, Jerome, Jamal and a couple of other helpful gents… next time you see them around, high five them for braving the cold. Except for me, I’m a scumbag and probably deserved it.). It was Harry King who took the biscuit though who with his solo late-flip fueled demonstration that left even Cloete’s head spinning.

In a year where ADHD ran riot over the Firefox generation we felt it right to conclude the unsponsored jam on whatever obstacle they wanted to skate, providing it was on the big driveway and me and Brewster could see it. So as we strained our eyes over the fog of fried chicken in the spectators stand many of you took it to the rail, manual pad and hubba ledge and we realised that judging this one could be a little difficult. Luckily Jamie ‘Arghhh’ Morley was saving his game changers for the pro comp and the unsponsored crowd stuck mostly to the rail like slippery glue. Though a few sneaky sponsored sorts tried to blag themselves a Blueprint deck it was John Howlett who impressed us with his consistency and extensive bag of tricks; no matter how many great feeble grinds were on display, no one trick wonder was walking away with this particularly awesome Nick Jensen deck. Look out for Howlett leaping out of a taco in a Mile End near you.

Below: New moves, same ol’ Smithy. (Seq: Dom Marley)

After a short breather (Brewster went out for some fresh tobacco scented air while I stayed in getting high off the fumes from the fried chicken boxes) it was time for the sponsored jam. First up, back to the mini-driveway and as the guestlist continued getting checked off it was those that got in early that were obviously warmed up enough to smash it. Daryl Dominguez went straight in and hammering down all the tricks he has on lock – 360 flip, lateflips, hardflip, all perfect. Isaac Miller was busy snaking all the unsponsored kids on the Wembley gap but his lofty heelflip to flat literally came out of no where, then dusted off like it was nothing. 2011 will be his year for sure. Now, this paragraph cannot be complete without mentioning Gav Coughlan, who sped through the park and landed on a monster frontside flip too many times without rolling away. When he finally conquered the beast we had already moved onto the next obstacle after drill sergeant Brewster announced time was up, but big up Gav for sticking to it. We were stoked on what the Irish powerhouse brought to the event. This obstacle was Daryl’s from the beginning however, he sleepwalked his way to the first batch of Crossfire pounds dished out.

By the time we hit up the hip again our massive guestlist was more or less fully checked off apart from a few notable names (Korahn Gayle probably thought he was supposed to get on a plane or something and missed it) so things were about to take a turn for the awesome. The entire spot got attacked from all angles; Crayon’s Paul ‘Barber’ Cooper got things going on top with that frontsmith of his that’s one of the finest in this country, Witchcraft’s Jamie ‘Arghhh’ Morley took a different route and boardslid his way into the jersey quarter the hard way (the only way the pirate knows) and Smithy shutdown the actual hip with that nollie bigger spin heelflip he was stoked on in his Reflections. The hip got a thorough seeing to but a face-off emerged between Kill City’s Jake Collins and Blind’s Chris Oliver. Chroliver could have shut the day down with his balls-out backtail and mach-ten kickflip 5-0 across the entire ledge (and if you haven’t got off your arse and seen Chris skate in person yet then sort it out, it’ll change your life) but Jake just kept pulling out bangers that we had no choice but to give him the Crossfire pounds. Crooks to regular, ninja finger backsmith, backtail, backlip and a ‘proper’ mayday in under twenty minutes? This guy is amazing.

Below: Dan ‘270’ Wileman getting paper. (Photo: Tom Halliday)

Now, originally our schedule was intent on taking a Delorean back to the 90s with a recession-friendly best trick over the smashed up bin but given how many gnar-hunters were on the scene we had a little re-arranging session and decided to conclude the sponsored jam on the behemoth that is Bay 66’s famous vert wall. Firstly though, we took it back to the ADHD-encouraging driveway and let the sponsored heads run riot. The rail was tackled by the Blueprint crew with ease as Nick Jensen cruised around, Tom Knox summoned up a hurricane and Smithy boardslide-shoved his way into a few high fives. Daryl got tech on the rail with a ninja-catch flip frontboard but took one for the team while trying a trick front shove boardslide. I couldn’t sleep for days after watching that unfortunate credit card disaster. Yowzers. Good thing Jamie Morley and Dan Wileman were on the scene to remedy pain with gnar. Jamie took a break from photographing the dead animals near Portobello Road to catch a ridiculous kickflip out of a perfect 50-50 down the hubba ledge. They don’t call him ‘Kickflip’ for nothing kids. Dan Wileman doesn’t have a nickname yet but considering how many times I’ve seen him earn money from these variations I’m gonna start calling him ‘270’. No one does it better. £50 each, now on to the vert wall.

As we hoped, shit got REAL on the vert wall. Luke Jarvis was obviously waiting for this moment to arrive and we’re already taking bets on whether he has some sort of telekinetic speed device in that green hat of his… no one can move that fast naturally. Before we could even set up flashes he was there killing it and setting the bar high. As high as the Westway would allow anyway. Amidst dogpissers aplenty, Alex Lally got some training in for the following mini ramp jam, Ewan Bower got amongst it and Daryl fucking Dominguez confirmed his position as the undisputable ruler of BaySixty6. After playing around with what looked like a potentially groundbreaking hardflip he stomped down a kickflip fakie from the quarter (serving under the bloody reign of a severed pig’s head courtesy of Lee Dainton) and grafted away towards and elusive but eventually rewarding alley-oopbackside flip straight into the gullet of the beast. To quote the editor of the official Crossfire Xmas Jam edit Alan Christensen “best trick of the day hands down”. Like all the hammers, it was just outside of time, plus who else could have taken the vert wall monies but the young Sam Beckett. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again, Sam is one of the best skaters in the UK right now and you should all recognise this. Floating a backside flip across the entire wall and not missing a single air in twenty minutes? Deny it if you can.

Daryl Dominguez shutting down BaySixty6’s vert wall. Utter madness. (Seq: Dom Marley)

Below: Nowick breaking the necks of observers. (Photo: Tom Halliday)

By this point and despite the cold we were all starting to get a little sweaty, so it could only mean one thing: time for one full hour of Slayer and bodies flying around in Baystation’s famous miniramp lovingly sponsored by Flip, Ricta and Mob Grip. And fly they did; an increasingly smashed Brewster called for high flyers and blunt 360 flips in, which combined resulted in a lot of smashed shins and tooth chippers. Or was that the product toss? Either way, shit was going down and the riffs were kicking off so there I was, standing on the corner with a notebook trying to make sense of what was going on while occasionally getting out the way of Jed Cullen’s nose-scratching airs. Judging by how illegible my notes are, it’s safe to say that everyone killed it.

Alex Lally got his post-Ben Nordberg miniramp moves on (bigspin back disasters, pop into sugarcane) and generally just ruled the liptricks, Sam Beckett continued his reign over all things transition, Barber got involved with some smooth operator lines and Kill City’s miniramp shredders Sam Pulley and Jake Collins more or less ran the ship for the first half hour with Jake getting the first ‘proper’ trick on the awkward extension (frontside disaster… mad!).

But once again, the miniramp jamp nearly turned into the Greg Nowick show, not that we’re complaining… that miniramp is absolutely his, but Jed Cullen avoided the snakes and and pulled some bonkers stuff out of his deep trick bag, all miles above the coping and so the MVP prize purse was split between the two. Best trick could only have gone to whoever first landed the elusive blunt 360 flip and since Daewon wasn’t around this took a little longer. Eventually Chris Coombs snuck a perfect one in between runs and walked away with £50. This year’s jam was the business!

Zac, Brewster and the miniramp rulers. (Photo: Tom Halliday)

Just gathering what I can recall from the day is getting the blood flowing again, what an absolutely terrific day for skateboarding in London. No matter how many kids were stuck inside playing Call of Duty or clogging up skatepark traffic on scooters the turnout for this year was nothing but skateboarders down for skateboarding and the atmosphere proved it. The good vibes flowed throughout the day and out of glasses at the unplanned and very messy afterparty. It was a great thing to be a part of. Big thanks to all of you that came down and had a good time with us, thanks to all the sponsors and support from the great companies that make this country so rad, all the riders they brought with them, Brewster for strong MCing, all the good folk at Bay 66, the friendly staff at Mau Mau’s, Tom Halliday and Dom Marley for capturing souls and Alan Christensen and Nick Richards for watching the entire event through a viewfinder. And of course, big thanks to Zac for not letting a gnarly spinal injury stop him throwing one of my favourite skate events of the year.

Try and spot the product they’re fighting over. (Photo: Tom Halliday)

Enjoy the rest of the photos not included above in the gallery below and stay tuned for the official edit coming VERY soon (little bit of technical trouble and logistical nightmares delviering it all thanks to that bitch Mother Nature). Oh, and if you thought you were safe after the night raids feature dropped last week, sorry, but Tom Halliday took a whole bunch more. Scroll further down for messiness and bring on Xmas 2011, but remember, if we don’t act now it might not be at Bay 66. Sign the petition here if you haven’t already and let’s keep our favourite park in London.

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Photos by Tom Halliday and Dom Marley. Double click to full-screen.

Categories
Skateboarding Product Reviews

Review: Real ‘One Life, One Chance’ 8.25″

It’s hard to gage what’s Real and what’s not in these fast yet utter disposable times we live in.  Misconception is humanity’s biggest downfall, much like the young aspiring gangster going the extra mile to hurt others for acceptance and rank status, so too does youth culture engage in drug and alcohol use to be seen as accepted and cool.  Toby Morse (a.k.a. Toby 1), frontman of the hard-core punk band H20, devoted husband and loving father is living proof that a Positive Mental Attitude can get you much further in life than substances or weapons ever will!

Toby’s toured with numerous amazing bands, including Sum41, New Found Glory, Rancid, The Use, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones and Dropkick Murphys. Amongst a sponsorship from Nike and being head to toe covered in skin art, some find it hard to believe that this punk rocking legend has never touched alcohol or drugs in an industry where many find these attractions hard to escape!

Toby’s taken it upon himself to go out to schools across the U.S with the intention of educating the future leaders of our world by making them see that there’s more to life than being accepted, showing them that being a lifer is far more rewarding than being a knifer.

In aid of his quest for a better future, Real Skateboards produced a deck along with a few other skate goods which will see part of the proceeds go towards helping Toby reach more kids.

I’ve had the pleasure of riding this board for the past month, it’s a beautifully finished 8.25” bomber with standard concave, balanced nose and tail lift with a custom PMA graphic slapped on the bottom.

Not many people out there are interested in changing the world, but Toby is, don’t let his efforts go unnoticed, support Toby and help him help others by getting your mits on one of these boards. It’s Real board, so you know it’s gonna be a good ride, DLXSF is commited to skateboarding, so if you haven’t already done so, it’s time you give something back to those who give to you.

Alan Christensen

Categories
Free Downloads

Free Downloads – Best Of 2010

This year we introduced a bi-monthly feature that’s as difficult to understand as it is to do… the ‘Free Downloads‘. Every couple of weeks we send our ears on a mission around the internet looking for the best new (or old) music that’s being given away for free, then round up the best ten for you to come along and take as many of them as you see fit. All for free. Simple, huh?

In addition to that we also introduced the ‘Crossfader‘ interview, where we hunt down the DJs and producers that have been rocking our earphones the most and ask them to provide a free mix for us. The results have been more exciting than we could have ever imagined.

So here is the very best, objectively decided by you guys listening, of all the sound we’ve had up in our cloud this year. Below are the 15 most listened to/downloaded tracks that we featured in this section, as well as all four Crossfader Mixes, from Stereo:Type, C.R.S.T., Submerse and The Count & Sinden. Enjoy!

Former Ghosts – Chin Up by Crossfire Music

Mr. Oizo & Gaspard Augé – Tricycle Express by Crossfire Music

Chromeo – Don’t Turn The Lights On by Crossfire Music

Weezer – Memories by Crossfire Music

Aphex Twin – On by Crossfire Music

Black Mountain – Hair Song by Crossfire Music

Huoratron – gBay by Crossfire Music

Grinderman – Heathen Child by Crossfire Music

Dels – Trumpalump (Joe Goddard Remix) by Crossfire Music

Gruff Rhys – Shark Ridden Waters by Crossfire Music

Wiley – It’s Wiley by Crossfire Music

Dipset – Salute by Crossfire Music

J-Dilla – Sycamore by Crossfire Music

Rustie – Inside Pikachu’s Cunt by Crossfire Music

Hypnotic Brass Ensemble – Spottie (Outkast Cover) by Crossfire Music

Stereotype – Crossfire Mixtape by Crossfire Music

C.R.S.T Dubplates 2 Mixtape by C.R.S.T

Submerse – Crossfire Mix by Crossfire Music

The Count & Sinden Mix by Crossfire Music

Categories
Music News

This Christmas in the Music Zine…

Christmas Day. Stay tuned. (Photo: Mateus Mondini)

Categories
Skateboarding News

This Christmas in the Skate Zine…

Christmas Day. Stay tuned. (Photo: Chris Haslam)

Categories
Skateboarding Skateboarding Product Reviews

Line Check: Holiday 2010 2 of 2

The Holiday Season is always packed full of great products to chose from so here’s our second round up of what we’re stoked on arriving in skater-owned-shops right now, including a few last minute gift ideas at the bottom (because we can’t be the only ones shopping for them on Christmas Eve). Click here to see part one of the Holiday 2010 Line Check.

Vincent Alvarez name came up quite frequently when asking others who their favourite skater of 2010 was. His pro model for Chocolate was approved by the masses, and the watercolour line is classic Chocolate aesthetics.

Unbelievable right? It’s true, Alien Workshop turned twenty years old this year and to celebrate, all their riders got some classic AWS iconography attached to their name on these rad decks.

It was a good year for rippers getting the deserved bump to pro status as Boots’ first pro model for Death came out this month. Cliché close up for the holidays leaving us with this little team model to get bamboozled over.

Theeve have reportedly the lightest, strongest, straight up best truck on the market. If you have a little extra Christmas pocket money this year maybe you should try a pair out. Thunder continue to bring the goods with Marc Johnson’s ‘special blend’.

Momentum keep rolling out amazing looking wheels for the stocking filler hill bomber market this Holiday season, this time employing the capable hands of Andrew Pommier to decorate their urethane.

OJ Wheels made a welcome return to the urethane spotlight this year. Click here for a review of the the Street Razors.

It’s definitely the time of year to stock up on these badboys. So be sure to keep your head warm this winter, but also rep skateboarding while you do it, and who better to rep than the good folk at Girl, Chocolate and Fourstar?

Lots of good stuff from the Soletech camps are entering UK skateshops right now. éS may be renowned for keeping your feet secure above the good wood you ride but they’re pretty rad at keeping you warm and not a flu-stricken wreck too while you’re off it.

Etnies take the tried, tested and massively approved classic approach with these awesomely plain and simple hoods.

Emerica unsurprisingly go a little leftfield with their winter warmers, fully repping the kind of grandpa festive sweater steeze that some of us here at Crossfire love a little more than the others. Make your own mind up on that one but we’re all down for Heath Kirchart being rad.

More goodies from éS who have already won us over with their amazing Bobby Worrest collection earlier this year.

Only one pair of trousers are on our Christmas wish list: these perfectly crafted cords from Altamont.

Nick Dompierre’s pro model for DC is hitting UK stores this month, alongside more boot throwback goodness from Supra’s Tom Penny.

Simple, effective and guaranteed to have perfect board feel; standard practice for Emerica.

Hsu’s are such a great shoe to skate and this camel colourway is an excellent move. It would be rude not to give the pro shoe to come from this year’s SOTY a mention too, Leo Romero’s purple model is dope.

Perhaps it was the little interview éS ran this week with team rider Kellen James, but we’re definitely super stoked on this SK8MAFIA collab on the Square Two.

John Rattray is simply the best around. Rep Scotland with these in 2011. It doesn’t matter if you’re not Scottish, John Rattray is and therefore you should start wishing you were.

Need some last minute gift ideas? You can trust the Crailtap camp to deliver the raddest stocking fillers this year.

And there’s no way we couldn’t include these… amazing holiday merch from the ever rad DEVO. Watch our interview with frontman Mark Mothersbaugh here

Categories
Skateboarding News

Save BaySixty6 Campaign on BBC Radio

The on-going fight to keep Bay 66 under the Westway has hit the airwaves as Gaby Roslin and Paul Ross interviewed Chris Bailey of the Westway Development Trust on Monday’s Breakfast Show on BBC London.

The interview is primarily concerned with the location of the park, which as the BBC reporter points out, appears to have already been decided by the Westway Development Trust looks set to change as office space and gardening centres are likely to be more profitable.

It’s good to see that both Gaby and Paul challenge Chris’ statements with both the social and cultural significance of the park’s current location, backing this up with words from a 9 year old local skateboarder called Alex. As we know, the current location of Baysixty6 is where thousands of young people across the UK are accustomed to going to on a regular basis throughout the year. To change the location of one of country’s most important skateparks would have gross consequences to the scene no matter what.

It remains up to us skateboarders to let our voices and opinions be heard and convince those planning on relocating or closing the park that it is in the best interest of the city of London to let this cultural institution stay where it is.

To listen to the show, follow this link and skip ahead to the 2:16:20 mark to get straight into the discussion.

For those of you who have been directed here by the radio show, please join the Save BaySixty6 Facebook page where you will find continually updated information and please sign the petition here.

Categories
Skateboarding News

Watch: Channon Wallace in B&W

Karma Skateboards have posted up a banging edit of Channon Wallace set in stark black and white and filled to the brim with interesting and technical trick choices on sketchy spots.

Get stuck in below. Channon is rad. Karma is rad. Black and white footage is rad. Rad.

Categories
Skateboarding Product Reviews

Review: Creature ‘High On Fire / Skinner’ Deck 8.8″

I think it’s weird that the majority of Americans get their foreskins chopped off. There’s something very unmetal about the idea of circumcision. I’m sure the act of it is gnarly and all, but the premise… it’s just too… too hygienic. It’s like saying “Let’s cut off our eyelids to stop getting eye boogies” and probably looks just as stupid. And It always reminds me of Kraftwerk for some reason. I don’t know why.

But I bet everyone at Creature has whooping great big,dangly, elephant trunk foreskins. I bet they trip up on them and can double them up as sleeping bags which keep them snug as a bug. A bug wrapped in a luminous green foreskin. I mean look at this dude that Mr.Skinner’s drawn for their ‘High On Fire‘ Limited edition board; he’s frozen solid. Probably because he hasn’t got any foreskin. You’d be surprised at what a couple of inches of skin can do to raise your body temperature. I wonder if the guys in High on Fire have foreskins? Maybe that’s why Sir Skinner chose to draw a frozen Ice barbarian; a bit of a private joke perhaps? Maybe Skinner specialises in Circumcision, hence his pseudonym… It’s all making sense now.

I’ll admit I haven’t listened to High on Fire in a while. I think it was around about the time that I heard they were touring with Mastodon and Converge that I stopped listening to them. I thought they were quite good, but they can’t be that good if they’re sharing a stage with fags like Mastodon and Converge. I thought I best pay the band a revisit in light of this review and even resolved to buy their latest LP. Admittedly I didn’t have a clue what their latest LP was called, so I got Bertha out and surfed the intergalactic cyber spaces in search of metal knowledge. It turns out they’ve got a wikipedia page dedicated solely to their latest album and everything. They must be famous. The album is called ‘Snakes of the Divine‘. Sounds a bit too biblical for my liking, but I suppose snakes are evil and evil is pretty cool. According to the LP’s wikipedia page “The album cover art and track listing were revealed on the band’s Myspace page on January 6, 2010.” ?! I stopped reading there because they’ve obviously been hanging round with Converge and Mastodon for too long and have turned in to complete pussies.

At this point I was starting to get confused; why would Creature release a skateboard in conjunction with a band who have overly detailed wikipedia pages? I put it down to the fact that the brutes at Creature probably don’t even know what the internet is and so have no idea about how unmetal High on Fire have become. They’re probably way too busy painting everything snot green, destroying concrete coping and having sex with hot horror punk girls. And hopefully punching them in the face afterwards and poking them with broomhandles whilst telling them how stupid and worthless they are and making them cry by telling them that her Stepdad gets off smelling her used underwear. Proper metal.

The size of this deck is proper metal. It’s fookin huge. 8.8″! It’s the same shape as Stu Graham’s pro board and he’s definitely proper metal. And the graphic is metal. It even comes with a special pack of three Creature/High on Fire Dunlop guitar pleks; which is kind of metal, sort of. And is a limited edition of only 400 and each one comes individually numbered. Which isn’t metal at all. But it has all the right things you need in a skateboard; made of wood, has holes in the right places and everything. So I’d recommend going and buying it. No, maybe go buy Sam Hitz’s new Creature board because I know French drew it and he’s got foreskin and isn’t in an unmetal metal band with multiple wikipedia pages.

Zombie

Categories
Features

Crossfire Chronicles: Alternative Xmas Songs

Unless your eyes and ears have been clogged with snow for the past month, you should be aware that Christmas has once again reared its fat ugly head. Walking down the high street recently I was assaulted by a barrage of festivity, as the windows were filled with garish decorations and money saving deals offering a sense of false warmth and isolation at half the price. Sure, when Christmas finally arrives it can also offer some amount of joy and relief, but having it rammed down our throats in the weeks preceding the big day leaves me as cold as the icy weather outside.

Christmas songs have a part to play in all this. Not that pop music hasn’t produced a few winter favorites (I might have easily placed 5 different versions of Wham’s ‘Last Christmas’ in this list), but let’s be honest, there are a lot of truly awful Christmas songs. In an attempt to help you avoid these musical catastrophes, here are a few alternatives which show a little of the darker side of Christmas.

Words: Sleekly Lion

Sparks – Thank God It’s Not Christmas

If there’s a single Christmas song which perfectly captures the tedium of Christmas and the daunting proposition of quality time with loved ones, then this is it. Although surrounded by bright and optimistic instrumentation, the song’s message is very clear; Christmas ain’t all it’s cracked up to be, in fact for some people it can be pretty darn miserable. In the band’s own words, “Thank God it’s not Christmas, when there is only you and nothing else to do.” There’s nothing like a bit of brutal festive honesty.

Sparks – Thank God It’s Not Christmas by Crossfire Music

Nosferatu D2 – It’s Christmas Time (For God’s Sake)

What’s great about Nosferatu D2’s Ben Parker, is his talent for ridiculing seemingly ordinary things as a way of expressing his own isolation from wider society. This festive offering is no different, as he deconstructs Christmas traditions from present giving, Christmas parties and the ripping up of a plastic pound shop Santa. Crucially though, at the heart of this song is actually a very sweet love song that pinpoints exactly what this holiday should really be all about.

Nosferatu D2 – It’s Christmas Time (For God’s Sake) by Crossfire Music

Fucked Up & Friends – Do They Know It’s Christmas?

Although a fairly straight reworking of the original, Fucked Up’s take on ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas‘ gets the nod because all the proceeds from the single went to charity. Awwww. In all seriousness, though, there are some truly worthy causes here, with profits from the song split between three charities dealing with the abnormally high numbers of Aboriginal women reported missing or murdered in Canada. As well as Fucked Up, the song features an all star indie rock cast including Bob Mould, Yo La Tengo, GZA, Andrew W.K and comedian David Cross among others. Look out for Cross’ contribution, as he twists Bono’s famous words to “Well tonight thank god it’s them instead of Jews!”. The single is still available to buy here, so get involved and donate to this worthy cause.

Fucked Up – Do They Know It’s Christmas by Crossfire Music

The Hives & Cyndi Lauper – A Christmas Duel

This unlikely but inspired coming together between The Hives and Cyndi Lauper from 2008 may go down as a lost Christmas classic in years to come. Following in the tradition of Christmas duets from the likes of Bowie / Crosby and McGowan / MacColl, Lauper and Hives frontman Pete Almqvist confess their infidelities over a classic bit of Christmas cheer. The song manages to avoid any cheesy Christmas clichés though, and there’s something about Cyndi Lauper singing “I went down on your mother” that stays with you long after the song has played out.

The Hives & Cyndi Lauper – A Christmas Duel by Crossfire Music

Parenthetical Girls – Flowers In Albion

Alongside other prolific festive artists Sufjan Stevens, Low and Cliff Richard, Christmas songs for Parenthetical Girls are a serious endeavor. This original from 2009’s ‘The Christmas Creep’ single is the band’s best to date, though, and is backed with a cover of the Sparks classic found earlier in this playlist. ‘Flowers for Albion’ is written about the Christmas blitz of 1940, and although peppered with a romance, exists as a gentle and poignant reminder of much darker times. Although very sad in essence, the song also has a warm nostalgia in its choice of samples and wonderfully poetic chorus, “We kiss on the lips neath the bright magnesium light, must we brave one more blitz, signals sweetness, how could this be Christmas?” In short, my favorite Christmas song ever.

Parenthetical Girls – Flowers For Albion by Crossfire Music