Category: Preview

Maxwell Woodger Esq.
Wednesday, 9 August 2006

I did it! – I broke away from the main frame and disconnected from everyday life. The summer wanted to burn my epidermis and I let it. Everyone needs a holiday, and Christmas doesn’t count. I filed my pre-sabatical copy and boarded a jet propelled people carrier to the Greek Islands.

I needed to reconnect with civilization’s roots and swim in the sea. You see, I might spend 11 months of the year deep in the funk of social fabric, but for one twelfth of the year I need to let go and sink deep beneath the surface of the sea to regroup and catch starfish.

I caught one too! But I had to let the beautiful crustacean go…

Oh well.

So as I sipped the nectar of the gods and watched the Acropolis from my penthouse apartment, I forgot all about skateboarding, gigs and the debauched standards of Crossfire.

It felt good, but I knew the itch to make contact with the mainframe was going to happen as sure as a mosquito bite. Luckily Greece is dry in the summer and Mosquitos are far and few between.

However, on one fateful morning, the heat had got to me and my sheets were damp with sweat so I awoke and turned on the television. Normally, foreign television doesn’t faze me because I cannot get to grips with the weird and personalised definition of culture a foreign land might blurt out of its shit box, but this shit box came with cable. All the sweet visions of Zeus’ Temple and wild octopus were wiped from my cortical stack as CNN blasted reports of the Israeli-Lebanese conflict.

Goddammit! There’s MORE war!…

I sat through endless 24 hour coverage of a conflict that pitches two of the most selfish entities against one another in a battle of beliefs. Wolf Blitzer had his moustachioed grin transmitting live from Tel Aviv whilst the soon-to-be famous anchor girl Hala Gorani repped her end in Beirut.

The innocent were being slaughtered and CNN couldn’t get enough of it. Hell! The only alternative news was a special report by the Mary Magellan of global war-reporting Christiane Amanpour entitled “The life and Times of Osama- Is one of your students a terrorist leader?”

Otherwise it was golf.

I tried to divert my attention by watching the complimentary DVDs my suite had to offer, but alas the titles reaped even more doom and gloom- The Constant Gardner, Lord of War, Hotel Rwanda… Good movies but bad vibes.

I suppose a holiday is too much to ask for nowadays. If you try and turn the other cheek to life’s atrocities they’ll only bite back harder on your conscience. Today I am back in the mix with a cold diet coke on the table and a steady drip of fear and loathing being pumped into my system, and for some strange reason it feels good to be back!

* I just heard an oil slick is making it’s way up the coast from Lebanon to Greece thanks to Israeli missile strikes. I hope the starfish I caught is alright… No one asked him what he thought.

Is it safe to walk the city streets anymore?

Ever since the pager craze that hit impressionable youth many moons ago has a new accessory become so popular among kids today. As small and light as an I-pod or MP3, easy to use and affordable, the Knife, blade, shank, Slass, cutter… has many names but the result is the same- Pain and suffering.

Or worse, death.

What happened to the good ol’ days of fisticuffs and a swift slap in the face???

It was dishonourable to be caught pulling a blade in a fight, at least where your opponent was unarmed. The rapiers of yesteryear served a purpose, and the duels they fought concluded in death, not scars or maiming. Kids today are scared. Scared of what? The next man. The rep. The world… The fear grows within and pushes their rational behaviour into a dark corner of oblivion, and before you know it the basic survival skills of a predator surface and suffice.

When the Police announced that over 17,000 knives and blades of all shapes and sizes were handed in for the recent British amnesty against knife crime, initially the public were re-assured. But for how long? Despite people’s efforts to quash this new and horrific trend, the phenomenon persists. Not a week ago, a young lady was stabbed repeatedly in the leg by two youths for her bag at 3 o’clock in the afternoon outside Crossfire HQ!

3’0clock. Youths. Stabbed repeatedly.

A stabbing here, a slashing there, a fatality today, and another tomorrow. Nobody is winning this bizarre turf war fuelled by inner city demons and a social precocity. You looked at someone strange, or stepped on their box-fresh kicks, and you’re dead mate. Easy as. No questions asked, no answers given. Just a fast flash of steel and then the blood starts pouring.

All this madness and no clear reason why?

Is it the parents? It’s always the parents. Is it the politicians? It’s always the politicians. Is it peer pressure? It’s always the peer pressure. Is it you? Hell no! Wasn’t me…

Knife crime cuts itself a vicious circle within society, generating fear among the kids. Sure, no one wants to get stabbed, but you have to carry a blade in case the next man has got one, innit? You’d never use it of course, just flash it and scare a few faces in the crowd. Yeah… Yesbutnobutyesbut… If you aren’t going to use it, don’t choose it. Ya dig?

Well, you had better get it otherwise the next thing getting dug out is your grave or your ass in that 5 foot shower at HMP. Oh yes! Little wide eyed youth like you go down a treat on a Saturday night in lockdown.

The kids don’t care anymore, and the parents are too scared to confront them. The politicians stay perched on their pedestals and flip and flex the rulebook in favour of votes, whilst the kids are alone in the streets fending for themselves. No one put that shank in your hand apart from you. You know what that means- It’s all your responsibility.

As this goes live, the government is looking at extending any knife crime related sentences, and they also want to increase the allowed age to purchase a knife from 16 to 18. At the end of the day, those are just figures, but the fact of the matter remains – Knife crime is on the up and no-one’s winning.

“I got stabbed 14 times. I can tell you it weren’t by Gangstaz.
My uncle got stabbed like twice and he died. I tell you he’s one of them Gangstaz” – Wiley, Gangstaz

Maxwell Woodger Esq
10.07.06