Here’s another review for your pork pies. This time I’s got a lovely pair of Vox feet coverings to put to the test.
But beware, heavy biased review cause these guys have got one of the raddest teams out there- Drehobl, Strubing, Hewitt, Oyola– pure gnarl – and as such I might as well name drop some amazing death metal bands that you won’t care about just to make this review a bit better than “these trainers are ok to skateboard in“.
The first thing I noticed about these trainers was some weird looking logo on the back of em – turns out these are a Pro Skatepark trainer or something. That’s right, now even skatepark manufacturers have their own shoe- this one being “Dreamland Skateparks” – the dudes responsible for Saffron Walden. I think this is weird and I don’t really understand it.
I do understand Rademassaker– a two man German based primitive death metal band. This is what death metal is all about in my opinion, absolutely shit; poor recording and poor musicianship, making their demo collection, “Satanic Zombie Hordes” absolutely amazing. No epic long intros or crap math rock song structures, just absolute pure shit Death metal- it’s too good to be true. “Vomit on your corpse” has one of the best ever song intros and I’ve been jigging to “Painful death” all week. They sound like a drunk Celtic Frost, Autopsy, Slaughter or Pungent Stench. Much better than these trainers.
Oh yeah, the trainers. I skatedboarded in them, and would you believe it, these trainers are great to skateboard in. BUT the first time i went “street” skating in them it started to rain, and the burgundy red colour of the suede started to run into the white laces – which means i had to look like a complete tit with pink laces for a couple of days. Not cool. Unlike Chakal, a proper old school Thrash Death band from Brazil, formed way back in 85 and still gunning it. I don’t know why Brazil has such a rad death metal scene. Their first full length LP, “Abominable Anno Domini” is frightfully sick- pure speed metal that makes you want to wear as much denim as possible. One of their song’s, “The Dead Wall“, features an Arnold Schwarznegger impersonator reciting some poetry and steals the guitar solo from Hotel California. So rad. You think Chakal would rock in pink laces?
All this talk (or writing, whatever) of death metal is making me feel like a poser, so i took said trainers in search of something dead to get a second opinion. Luckily, I knew the whereabouts of a dead fox floating in a flooded war bunker. It took me fucking ages to drag it out- it was well heavy because it was full of water. After eating some jellybabies I took some photos of the dead fox staring at a hole in the trainers. I’m a pussy on my skateboard, and these things had started to get holy already. I reckon these trainers, coincidentally, would probably last loads longer if all you skated was tranny and didn’t ollie much.
I’ve got bets that US Death band Rottrevore can’t ollie, and if they did I couldn’t give a shit because their music is loads better than writing about trainers. If I were you I would rather go out and buy their best of compilation “Disembodied“. This stuff is raw, really sludgy underwater sounding that’s so bassy and unclear that you can hardly distinguish the difference between the guitar and the bass. Fooking rad. In fact, I was humming “Spawn of Ignorance” whilst pretending to be Hewitt carving this Liverpool fullpipe. Pure art. And by the time you read this, it’ll probably of been took down and thrown in a skip. Pure death metal.
And the trainers were good to skate in too…go to the Vox site for more.
ZOMBIE
Skate pic by http://blogdaskulls.blogspot.com/