Photos thanks to: Styley, Rob Falcon and Troy West
Interview made up on the spot by Zac Slack
Death Skateboards rider Horsey is not actually a horse. Just to clear that up before we go any further. He is bloody good on a skateboard though, evidence of which can be seen in the new Death video Better Than Life and the photos in this interview. Read on for how to make the world’s best bacon sandwich, golden cocks, tattoos and the noise of a frontside grind.
Right, we have Horsey at Crossfire HQ to grace us with his endearing presence, riding for Death Skateboards, is that correct?
Yes that is correct.
Before we go any further with this malarkey I believe you should introduce yourself as who you really are rather than a Horse.
My real name? I shouldn’t tell people my real name, it’s a secret!
Tough tits, we expose secrets on this show!
My real name is Charlie Diggins
No it’s not, you told me it was Scott!
Nah, it’s my other name.
Other name? How many others have you got?
A couple… you want my real real name?
It’s Scott Walker.
Like the famous guitar player from the 60s?
That’s what old women always say to me…
I am an old woman!
Oh, then yeah.
So Charlie Diggins, is that another aka?
Yeah it’s another alias.
So when do you use your real name, your alias, your other alias?
It depends on the circumstance.
Give me some examples, when does Charlie come out?
You just made him up?
Yep, I don’t like telling people my real name.
I knew it was Scott, but didn’t know it was Walker. Are you related in any way to the 60s marvel?
I don’t think so, maybe. I’ve never heard any.
So, you’re obviously into the 60s, because you have a tie-dye t-shirt on. It came out in the 60s, moved into the 70s, spat out in the 80s and now it’s back again and on your body! Do you normally wear these garish clothes when you go out skating?
Yeah I suppose. I made this one myself.
It looks like it…
T-shirts can be boring though so it’s good to spice them up.
Right, now you’ve obviously be riding a whizzplank for a while now, but how long? When did you start?
I had a skateboard when I was about 6, it had a skull on it I think! I was really little and my mum bought it from a corner shop. There’s a ramp at Saffron Walden where I’m from and I could just drop in, and then I stopped. I remember one day, I’d gone home and painted my board black and then went to drop in and rock fakie but caught my hand underneath my board and got a really big blood blister.
What have you got monkey arms or something?
No! I don’t know, it just happened. That’s the only thing I can remember really, my worst slam ever! Then I stopped and started again when I was 14.
What was your first pro board?
The first board I got, I bought off someone and it was a Kerry Getz Habitat one and had a frog on it.
What year was this?
So what’s your age then?
22! A young buck!
I’m old in the skateboarding game.
But when you walk in this place, you’re just about the youngest.
So you’re from Saffron Walden originally, are you super stoked that it has a very large presence of concrete sat in the middle?
Yeah, it’s amazing. I just wish that it was there 5 years ago when I was living there.
So do I. Where do you live now?
In Harrow with Cates and Steak.
So you live at the House Of Doom?
Yeah, the third one. Did you go to the second one?
I’ve been to all of them.
I never went to the second one, I heard it was pretty messed up.
It was a horrible, they’re all disgusting hovels…
Our one’s nice, it’s pretty clean!
What’s it like living with Cates?
It has it’s ups and downs…
What are the downs?
He doesn’t like mess. He doesn’t like it if you don’t wash up, he likes to be clean. He doesn’t like it when the rent’s not on time.
Is he the collector of the cash?
Yes he is.
I hear he’s got himself into a new band recently with the aforementioned Steak.
Yeah, Day Release it’s called. They played their second gig on Saturday, it was really good. Cates is the singer and dances around. Steak is the guitarist and Crazy Pete from Harrow is the bassist and Adam plays the drums.
Is it a right old mess?
It was a right old mess for their gig, but they’re way better now. It’s actually like a band!
They’re getting pretty tight.
Would you class it as rock and roll?
I don’t know what you’d class it as, it’s like a whole new genre. Have you heard Cates sing?
I’ve not been in the bath with him for a while…
It’s something special for sure.
What are his lyrics like?
They’re pretty tight!
But then, he’s the tightest bloke I’ve ever met.
So let’s continue this malarkey with whatever your name is. Do you wanna give yourself a new name?
Nah, Horsey’s fine. In Santa Cruz, I was called Jose because I was introduced to someone’s dad and they thought I was called Jose so that was my nickname out there.
San Francisco ay? Have you been hanging out with many cancer loungers then?
Nah, just Kyle really, he’s the boss.
Who’s Kyle then for people who don’t know him?
He used to, I think he works for Flip now.
So he’s not designing bananas! So you and Kyle are obviously good friends, he came over from San Fran, hooked up with the Death crew and ended up on your sofa.
Yeah he turned up with his brother and they knew the people at Consolidated, so they got talking and they came round the house one day and stayed on the sofa for 2 months!
I hear that somewhere throughout the year, you might be on the other side of the fence and interviewing him for this site.
Yeah that’s what I want to do, for about 2 months but I broke the internet and I’ve been away and so it hasn’t happened yet.
Let’s talk about your trips to America. What makes it so endearing to go out to America for skateboarding?
I don’t know, I think it’s just nice to go out there for a month with no plans and just have fun.
Did you ever think when you were a kid that you’d ever be lucky enough to be able to go out there and travel around?
No way, I never thought I’d go to the places I’ve been to like New Zealand, Australia and Dubai, I never thought I’d go there, it’s pretty crazy.
What was the best thing about travelling to America?
I would say Mexican food. Burritos are so good – Taco Bell, it’s quality.
Now you’re talking my language! You know there used to be a Taco Bell in Earl’s Court that every skater would go to after a session?
I heard about that yeah but it closed down before my time.
I can’t think of any old school skaters who’ve never been there after a session, you’d bump into all sorts of people. People doing the London circuit would always end up at Earl’s Court.
Oh man, I wish they had that now! It’s like the bagel shop, that’s the place to be now. You been there often?
I’ve been there a couple of times with Nick [Zorlac] at 3 in the morning when I can’t even see the bagels in front of me. They just look like breasts to me at 3 in the morning! So, obviously its been a crazy year, you’ve had nice coverage from the Xmas jam doing a foot plant fakie on the wall and getting away without killing yourself. What do Crossfire jams mean to you, with you being in the South and being able to get to all out events?
I think they’re amazing. It’s good to get everyone together and always fun, every year.
Do you think more people will come down this year because of the exposure?
They should! It’s not just the exposure, it’s the fun as well and being able to see people you don’t see that often.
This year will be the 8th of December! So, you’ve been sponsored and getting some flow – what are your hook ups?
Death Skateboards, Motel 6 Skateshop, Death Urethane and that’s about it.
Who’s flowing your shoes at the moment?
I’m getting some shoes off the guys at Supra.
Any aspirations? Now’s your chance!
Of who I want to ride for? Oh, I dunno, McDonalds would be a good one. Tony Hawk is sponsored by them, he’s got one of those cards where you just go in and get everything for free.
That’s bollocks, no-one’s got them.
Yeah, he has! Him and Justin Timberlake and I think Destiny’s Child as well.
So if Horsey was up for the 4th member of their sponsorship…
Oh yeah, I’d be down, I’d rep them. Stickers on my board, everything.
Are you really not that fussed about sponsorship?
I’m fussed about it , I’m down for all the people I ride for but I’m not one of those people who try and get themselves sponsored for everything.
If it happens, then it happens naturally…
Exactly, I am cool to just wait for it to happen.
It’s a dream for most kids who are desperate to get sponsorships. Would your advice to them be to just chill with it…?
Just to keep skating and don’t try too hard, because then people know you’re a try-hard and show off all the time. I don’t really like that aspect.
What about Death Skateboards? How did you bump into Nick and the crew?
I first met Nick when I was going to Australia about 4 years ago with some people from Harlow, Nicholson and Dibble with Cates and Nick too but Nick went after like, 3 days. But I met him then and spent 5 weeks there with Cates and made friends with him. Then about a year later, when someone was moving out, Cates asked me to move in with him.
So are there plans now to have a Horsey pro board? Do you dream of that?
I don’t know, it’d be nice but I’m not going to push for it, I’m just going to skate.
But obviously if it came about you’d be stoked.
Oh yeah, I’d be happy. It’s a bit crazy to think about that.
What Death boards do you ride right now?
I’ve got the 8 inch Melcher one with the big nose. The one with the stars and it says “The Peculiar Patrick Melcher”, I think Fos designed this actually, it’s a good shape.
Since you’ve been hanging with Death, you’ve seen various people from across the pond get sponsored. Has Nick got any other arrivals up his sleeve?
New people? I don’t know if I’m allowed to say!
Crossfire is about exclusives!
I’ve been trying to get the Muska on, trying to make that happen.
He’s a good mate of yours is he?
Well not yet, but maybe one day!
That’s who you’d like to see on the team is it?
Yeah, I like the Muska.
What about any UK representatives? Who would you like to see on the team?
I’d love to see Ben Raemers on the team, he’s the best person in the world.
Do you skate with Ben a lot?
Not really, but he was our special guest on The Big Push this year.
How was the Push?
It was good, really hard work, but good.
How much hard work is it, explain. Most kids will see you in a tent every night or in a crappy bus or a crappy motel and think it’s the best thing in the world!
It is but it is hard work. As soon as it hit 12 o’clock on Friday in Wales and we skated til 5 that morning, then woke up at 11 the next day to skate until 3 in the morning. But it was good though because we got to stay in hotels.
Who keeps everyone together on the road?
Is he good? Does he demand respect for timing?
Yeah he’s good, everyone pays attention to him. He keeps it all shipshape and makes sure people are doing stuff and not drinking too much.
Who was the most outrageous tour member on the bus this year? Who stuck out like a sore thumb?
Rob Smith, in a good way – he’s constant entertainment. Have you heard his dad’s band?
No, what are they called?
Oh, I didn’t know his dad was in Skrewdriver, that’s quite gnarly! I don’t know if I want to put
this on my website, I could get lynched!
But yeah, I like Rob, he’s funny
He’s a great skater too!
Oh he’s awesome, he did some really good stuff.
I haven’t seen the footage yet, but it’s out now isn’t it?
Yeah you should buy it!
What was your favourite trick out of the Death scenes?
Probably something Raemers did, everything he did was amazing. One day he tried to nose slide a 25 stair hubba and ate shit really bad and didn’t skate for the rest of the day. The next day, the first thing he skated was a 9 stair handrail and he front feebled and nose grinded it. He’s amazing, he’s doing front slide inverts at Saffron Walden too.
He’s looking good old Ben… have you noticed he makes crazy faces when he skates? Next time you skate, keep an eye out.
I’ve noticed he gets really, really mad. Like, he’s a really nice kid but then when he’s skating, he starts swearing.
It’s like famous people who go on stage with their bands – Off stage they could be the nicest person in the world but then they go on stage and could be biting the heads off bats. I’d like to see him in a heavy metal band all dressed up.
Yeah! So what about music, what music gets you up in the morning? What inspires you? If you’re going on The Big Push and has a ipod, what can’t you leave the door without?
I’m quite a big fan of The Libertines.
Out of the two new bands, looking at what Pete Doherty has done and what Carl Barat has done, which road do you go down?
I don’t really think about it to be honest, I don’t worry about the bullshit and just listen to the music.
Any other bands you can’t leave home without?
I like a bit of David Bowie, Ziggy Stardust era. Bit of Clash, old stuff. I can’t be bothered with the new stuff and I don’t know where to begin.
And if you had a video part, well, you probably do but we’ll talk about that later, what music would you have in it?
Well, everyone keeps telling me not to use the Libertines, but I’ve got the best song.
Just go with the flow! So, Life After Death is the new movie… wait… no it isn’t, Better Than Life is the new movie!
What’s Life After Death?
I don’t know but maybe we should persuade Nick to do a little trailer called Life After Death…
That’s for the people that get kicked off!
Actually there hasn’t been that many kicked off, it’s like a big family there now isn’t it? But we can get to that in a minute because there’s been a few new arrivals we can talk about. Better Than Life then, everyone’s been filming parts for the last 9 months, I’ve noticed you ring up the Death House and no-one’s in. Where’ve you been skating for your parts?
Mainly in the City of London, Harlow as well. Just because that’s I know everyone from there and all the spots, but yeah, mainly the City, I went to Barcelona, a bit of America I think from a while back when I was there with Cates. Basildon banks. You skated there?
Obviously not, I’m 34…
Yeah but there are big tranny banks!
I’m gay… So, anyway, let us into a few secrets.
What kind of secrets?
The secrets of the film, because Zorlac spilt some beans, so let’s spill some bigger beans, some broad beans. Obviously it’s coming, so what can we expect? You’ve obviously seen some of it.
I haven’t seen that much, just the English people. I’m looking forward to the features section, Richie Jackson and Melcher and Scooner’s. Oh and Wank’s part, it’s a funny part.
Do you all hook up and talk about it or go on the web and chat about parts?
Everyone keeps it pretty quiet. Richie doesn’t tell anyone, it’s all a secret. I’ve heard a couple of things but I’ve been sworn to secrecy…
A thing called a Satan Spin. It’s like an old trick that he’s put a new twist on it.
Is it maybe him setting himself on fire whilst pretending to be Natas?
No, but it’s something to do with Natas…
So we’re expecting something lethal coming from Richie Jackson.
Any other beans to spill?
I don’t know, there’s so many people, like about 30!
It’s one of the biggest teams ever, a great big family of death.
Zarosh, who is coming out here soon, he’s got some good stuff.
I’d be worried.
He’s a nice lad, have you met him?
I have yeah, I bought him a pint the first time he was ever over. He didn’t know anyone, came up to me and said “Do you skate?”, I said “Yeah, do you want a pint?”.
He’s a nice lad.
He brings the hammers doesn’t he? When he does the acid drop on the advert…
Yeah, and he did it twice. I think he went there once and just did it for a laugh and then went back and filmed it. He rolls straight off grabbing the board and it’s about 40 feet high, but that’s what he’s like, he does stuff without even thinking. I saw him at a skatepark in Santa Cruz, and there was this 13 feet extension with pool coping and he put his board in a nose blunt and just jumped in. That’s what he’s like.
He’s sick, we’re expecting a banging part from him then. Is everyone talking about it within the group?
Yeah, everyone is stoked that he’s coming over and though I haven’t seen much of his part, what I have seen is really good. I think we’re waiting for some people to send stuff, but yeah, should be good.
There’s been a few more additions to the family of Death, one of them being Andy Scott.
A living legend!
And Dave Allen joined this year as well. What is it like to have icons like that on the team, do you look up to them?
Yeah it’s pretty good, I’d never really skated with Dave, just seen him about so it’s great that they’re part of it now.
Do they influence you to have a vert session?
I’d love to, me and Boots were talking about it yesterday actually, when we were at Bay 66, that we should get some pads and learn airs, but we probably won’t. It’s too hard, too scary.
You need big legs for that! You’re going for the skinny jeans look.
I just wear whatever I can get hold of, someone gave me these jeans.
Yeah it looks like someone gave them to you, your bollocks are hanging out!
That’s the glory hole!
Do you normally skate with your nuts out?
Nah, I just like these jeans. I’ll wear something I like a lot, but then get bored of it. Like this t-shirt I have on, I really like but I’ll probably get bored of it soon.
Who do you skate with every week?
He’s on the map isn’t he now?
Definitely, he’s all about mini ramps at the moment. Have you seen his Back Smiths? He does them about 5 metres long.
Well, maybe not that long, but long! He’s learning Miller flips at the moment, trying to anyway. They’re just like backflips on the medium sized ramp.
He’s been filming as well then for this endeavour. Good part?
He’s his own worst enemy, he’s always saying “this is shit”, but he’ll say it after doing the gnarliest thing. He pushes himself all the time though!
What do you want to be when you grow up then?
I don’t wanna grow up!
Well, you don’t have to grow up and give up skateboarding, that’s a myth! Are you expecting to skate for many years to come?
Yes! Well that’s the plan at least. I can’t imagine not skating.
But what about injuries and stuff? We all get battered and bruised and it’s not as if I’m going to see you bombing down the street with pads on!
You can still be old and rip though, like at Steve Cab. And Lance Mountain 50/50’ing that hand rail. I can’t remember what it was in but he was doing some handrail at 40 years old with no pads, he can still do it.
I can see some bruises on you now, but what is the worst injury you’ve sustained over the years?
Nothing that bad. I broke a bone in my wrist and it’s still broken, I didn’t get it fixed, so every time I slam it really hurts.
Is that why you’ve got a tattoo on your wrist then, to remind you?
Yeah it’s a little broken heart.
Is that what it is? It could be a busy bee!
It looks like a pair of balls!
Have you got any other tattoos?
A couple… I’ve got a Death one.
Are you down for life?!
Yeah! I got it on the first Big Push. It says Libertine underneath but it’s all fucked. My friend Munk did it.
Oh we know Monk! Monk the Spunk.
He’s a tattoo artist now.
Looks like he’s only just started going by that! Do you see yourself as one of these rippers covered in tats?
What like Duane Peters?
Well that’s a bit extreme isn’t it?
I won’t be that bad, I don’t wanna look like Monk! I’ve got the bug now, it’s fun.
Did it hurt?
Well, don’t you have any to know?
Yeah I’ve got a big one!
A big one! [laughs]
I’ve got this one and it hurt a lot.
Yeah at the time it hurts so much and you think “why am I doing this?”. I was drinking when I got one of them and I think that’s why it looks shit because you know when you have alcohol in the blood stream it makes it disperse or something.
It looks punk…
It looks fucked!
But you got the Death tattoo down for life, I’m impressed. You not going to colour it in?
Nah, I love it as it is. Why is there a massive gold cock over there?
You’re not the first person to say that and you won’t be the last, but it’s a very relevant point because the golden cock is from the Erotic Awards from 2002.
Who won that?
A deceased friend of mine, that I used to manage who died at Glastonbury. His mum rang me from Manchester and said obviously she couldn’t come down and pick it up, so asked me to go on his behalf. So I went down there in a sailor’s outfit with the missus, saw lots of cock, lots of fanny and it was a night of debauched S&M and I walked away with a big golden cock. I had to go and do a speech in front of 1,000 people. So whatever happens, when you pop your clogs, make sure you leave a big golden cock for your best friend. I have this to remember him by for the rest of my life now! Do you wanna touch it?
Um… maybe later!
Other people have touched it…
Who else has touched it?
Mark Ronson has touched it, Gallows… everyone wants a little touch of it. That’s why we put it on Moose’s desk, because we think it suits him.
Moose: I have it in my face all day.
Do you watch many skate videos? You must do because Cates is stuck on them isn’t he?
He’s got all the best ones in his room, there are hundreds of them. Old ones, new ones…
I can’t remember a time I’ve been to the Death House and there’s not been a skate video on.
Always on, it gets to the point where they’re on so much Cates doesn’t like them and pushes them behind the TV because people just come round to watch them and leave them lying on the floor.
What’s your poison then? You get home, you put on your favourite skate video, what is it?
Flip Sorry. It’s a classic that I’ve got it on VHS. I think that’s the only VHS that really gets played any more. As for new ones, I seem to be watching the new Element video a lot because Boots has been coming round every day and putting it on. I’ll be sitting there watching TV and he’ll come around and just put it on, he’s always round our house!
Knowing there are new videos coming up, like yours obviously, the Nike SB one, Lakai, Static 3… any of those videos float your boat?
The Lakai one for sure, I’ve heard good things.
Anyone in particular? Royal Family, do you know any of those guys?
I’ve met Brady a few times, we’re doing this EA games thing, so we’re going to be doing that
on the road.
Do you play many video games?
I used to, but not really any more. We’re trying to swindle an Xbox out of EA. I think Zorlac is on the case so we should get one!
What do you have to do to promote EA Skate? Have you played it?
Yeah! We went to the headquarters, it’s amazing but it’s so hard. It’s not like Tony Hawk where you just press the buttons. You have the joystick and you have to move it up and down just to ollie.
You really got to think about it!
Yeah it’s crazy! But I think if you played it for a couple of weeks you’d get used to it. But it looks really good.
But do you think it’s better?
Yes! Without a doubt! I think EA Skate is better.
That earned your money, didn’t it! (laughs)
Fuck, we’re covering some ground here.
What else we got?
Dunno! Talk to me.
I don’t know what to talk about.
What about art? Do you get inspired by art and photography?
I like a bit of photography.
Are there any particular skate photographers you’d like to work with?
I quite like Atiba [Jefferson] and his stuff because it stands out. I was talking to Sam Ashley about it today.
Sam’s a great photographer.
Yeah, Sam’s the best.
I think he’s one of the best in the UK.
Yeah, for sure.
You were shooting something with him at Meanwhile 2 today right?
Yeah, on the janky quarter pipe thing.
That we built!
You built that?!
The one and only Badger built that!
Err… it’s nice! (laughs)
Not so janky anymore? (laughs)
I think it’s a bit weathered now but it’s still good.
Is the gap ledge still there? Is it still in one piece?
Yeah! I 5050’d it, scared the life out of me!
I noticed on the day when we did that jam actually that a lot of people shit it.
What, didn’t skate it?
Well there were a few people. Obviously some good shit when down on it, few 5050s, couple of mannys over the top, nose mannys and obviously Chris Oliver did an amazing backlip. You skate that place now and again- anything else been put down on that ledge?
I haven’t seen anyone do anything on the ledge. Cates wanted to wallride it, but he couldn’t do it. It’s too thin. I haven’t seen anyone skate it, it’s too hard. You should just build a massive wallride, just get a sheet of wood.
Well you know it’s gonna get a complete overhaul for December? The whole park is gonna be re-fit.
Are they smashing it down?
They’re not smashing down the bowls as such, but all the surrounding area where that street area is, where the rollerskate rink is. All of that is gonna be redone and the bowl is getting a bit of makeup.
Have you skated the blocks there yet, the new ones? They’re really good to skate but they put them on the roughest ground, so you cant really skate them, but they look good.
Yeah, I have seen them, that’s Badger’s work I think.
Is it? I like Badger. He’s doing that thing with us for EA Games.
Yeah, he’s a good lad. His heart’s in the right place, and he’s always wanting to push skateboarding forward. So you’ve been staying up in Manchester recently haven’t you?
Yeah, up at Percy Dean’s house.
What’s the scene up there like compared to London?
I don’t really know! I don’t really know that many people from Manchester really. I know Eddie Belvedere and Ollie Tyreman. But I don’t know what they get to up there. They’ve got a nice skatepark.
Yeah, they redid it. They got rid of that awful banked bowl thing and they put like a street course thing in. It’s really good.
Cool. So anywhere else in the UK you’d like to travel to?
Just Harlow really. Just go spend a weekend at Monk’s house, get to hang out with Dibble and Nicolson, it’s all good.
Obviously the Olympics thing is on ice at the moment, so does that mean Dibble’s knackers are on ice?
Nah, Dibble’s been training! Did you see the website? Apparently, that was their most popular webpage ever, so he has to do a blog for them! (laughs) I can’t remember exactly what he says, but he said he’s been training and working on his backside manoeuvres. And then he said he sustained an injury whilst approaching a tranny backside, or something like that! It’s amazing!
Yeah, he said he hurt his pod finger. He didn’t even know about that until it was in the paper. They asked Hemming at the skateshop about it, and Hemming suggested Dibble but he gave them the paper with Monk’s number. So they phoned up Monk, who pretended to be Dibble and said all this stuff.
Ah, it’s all coming out now! Harlow’s getting a new park aren’t they?
Yeah, a whole new park. I think Freestyle are doing it, it looks good.
Where’s your favourite spot to skate?
What? In London? In the whole world? In the whole wide world? Probably St. Pauls, skating the little 3-stair with Kyle. That was always fun, we used to just mess about and skate the curbs. St. Albans – it was good last year.
That video that everyone did was great!
Yeah, that video was fun, for sure. Otherwise the winter would have been so bad, but we get to spend it St Albans.
Of whose tricks? My tricks?
Jimi Hendrix. Who do you think?!
My tricks I like doing? Err, kickflips? Nah, I just like doing frontside grinds on the ramp.
Do you like slashing them up?
Nah, standing on them as long as you can go fast.
Can you explain the sound of a grind?
I can’t, it’s like… I can’t.
Can you explain what a grind means to you in one sentence?
It’s just fun going fast and hearing the noise.
What does the noise sound like?
I can’t do any noises, my throats really fucked.
You have to!
Alright, it’s like ‘kerrrrhk!’
Man, my throats fucked!
I should ask that in every interview! What about tricks you can’t do? What do you have problems with?
360 flips. I can’t do ’em. I can sometimes, then other days can’t do them. And backtails on blocks, can’t do ’em. I learnt them when I was in France the other week. Like me and my friend, it was the backtail tour to learn them, and I had them! But then I lost them.
What were you doing over in France?
Nothing. Just drinking loads of wine and skating for fun. We went all over, we went to Pigalle. It was good, and then we to Bercy and all the other spots. That blue wave thing.
How was that?
Amazing. I don’t even know what it is. It’s like a big block of flats, and it’s just there.
We made The Whale off the back of that one.
Yeah, I know. I can’t believe they had The Whale and it’s completely unusable now. I had a little go on it the other day. Get rid of a block and get it back there.
Ok, you’re house is on fire. You have to run in and grab your last and only possession…
Well I don’t live in a house so that’s alright. I live in the garage.
Alright, the garage is on fire! God, you’re so fucking difficult.
You’ve got to be precise! (laughs) Err, what do I save? I haven’t got anything good in there. I’ve got some signed boards on my wall, how about that?
You’d grab your signed Tony Hawk board?
I’ve got a few! I’ve go a couple signed by Kyle, the ones he’s done.
With his artwork?
He did a Mark Nicholson Death board, and one with the green goblin people. He did a Consolidated board and one for True Love, so I’d probably grab and a Roberto Aleman signed one. I’m tempted to take my Consolidated blanket as well, I’ve got a leopard print blanket as well, I’d probably take that.
Well you could probably put all the possessions in a blanket.
Ah, so could probably throw a load of stuff in the blanket and take it all!
It would be cheating, but at least you’d save more.
I’ve got a couple of nice hats I’d save.
Do you go down the New Era route? Do you get a bit bling? From Cates, I thought it might have rubbed off.
Nah, no way! He’s got so many hats! Nah, I’m not really into all that.
I got it off my friend in Paris, it’s like a black trilby. Nah, it’s more like a Bob Dylan hat. That’s the best I could describe it.
Would you ever wear a hat of meat?
A hat of meat?! If I could eat the meat afterwards…maybe. But why would you wear a hat made of meat?
Because people do. It’s on the web, I’ve seen it. There’s a website called HatsOfMeat.com
Yeah? I’ll check it out later. I don’t think I’d personally wear a hat of meat.
Would you ever try and noseslide a porkpie?
Yes, I like a noseslide.
Would you wax it up with a bit of pickle before?
Nah, I’d just eat the pickle.
Do you like food?
I love food!
What’s your favourite food?
Do you cook?
I cook bacon.
Is that the only thing you cook?
Err, I can cook sausages.
When you cook bacon, do you wax up the pan beforehand or just slam it in?
Err, I tend to grill, it’s healthier.
Do you live on bacon?
I did for a while, but not so much anymore, it’s a bit unhealthy.
Did you feel your feet turning into pig’s trotters?
I just felt like my heart was hurting. I invented the heart attack special sandwich. It’s bacon, you grate some cheese on top, and then you grill that so it melts. Then the other slice of bread you put Philadelphia on it with some tomato sauce, maybe some onions as well. It’s really good. I think I had one every day for two weeks.
What about drugs? Do you do drugs? Do you scramble your brains?
Nah, I’ve been told a bit of acid’s alright. I don’t smoke weed, if I ever do I just can’t do anything. I’m just useless. (looks around) I can’t believe how nice your place is! It’s well nice! Is your dog alright, he’s shaking a bit?
No, he’s dreaming of screwing rabbits in the arse. Would you like some dogfood?
Nah, you’re alright.
Any last words?
I should really say something for the kids. I don’t know, just have fun and enjoy life. And skate lots. Just have fun, it’s all about having fun.
Do you want to say thankyou to anyone?
I’d like to say thankyou to yourself, and to Nic Zorlac at Death Skateboards, Hemming at Motel 6 skateshop. There’s too many people to thank!
Do you want to say fuck you to anyone?
Nah, I can’t.
What about saying fuck you to anything? Mine would be cold toast. If you gave me cold toast I’d kill you.
Cold toast? Why do hate it? It’s just like normal toast.
I don’t like it. There’s no point having toast when it’s cold, it has to be hot. If you served me your Scooby snack with cold toast…
Do you want a Scooby snack, the heart attack special? Next time you come round I’ll make you one. Delicious…
I might be round sooner than you think! Any more fuck yous?
I hate rain. I can’t think of any more… errr, nothing really. I’m pretty chilled. I don’t really care too much about stuff. I hate shit talkers! Internet warblers. Yeah, fuck that.
Do you use the web much?
I did, before I broke the internet.
You didn’t break the internet for the whole world, just your own connection.
Yeah, just in the house. Nic bought me a laptop to use to sort out the Death Myspace, and I tried to fix the wireless and I broke it. So fuck BT.
Would you like me to take a picture of you with the Golden Cock?
Ah, yes! Can I pretend it’s my own cock?
Yes, and on that note, goodbye.