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Dirty Sanchez Interview

When the DVD Pritchard vs Dainton first set foot into skate shops moons ago and the boyos from Dirty Sanchez were on the radar in the underground, no one expected them to be snapped up by TV stations.

Since they hit the screen, they have travelled the World with their infectious sickness and eventually make it to the big screen of cinemas across the planet.

Just before Xmas we got a phone call from the duo who wanted to drop off some stuff at HQ for the Xmas Jam and waste an hour talking shite! This interview was done off the cuff by Zac with all photo’s taken outside of HQ on that day courtesy of Jerome Loughran.

So, it’s Xmas time and we’re working here at HQ when two doughnuts turn up and spilled the jam. Who are they?

Dainton: My name’s Matt Pritchard and I like to drink, I’m an alcoholic.

Pritchard: [in a camp voice] Ooh and my name’s Lee Dainton.

Dainton: Oh shut up dick.

So what the fucking hell brings you two dicks in here?

Dainton: Oh, well there’s a fucking… er… I dunno, that’s a good question. Pritch you can answer that one?

Pritchard: …..Well we actually had some meetings with MTV today about doing further shows in the future. To let everyone know we’ve been quite successful and me and Dainton have bagged ourselves a new show!

Dainton: Shush we can’t talk about that!

Pritchard: ….er which we can’t talk about much but look forward to it in the future. But that’s why we’re down here and we thought we’d pay Zac a visit too!

Dainton: Yeah, we had some time off and I was like ‘right, let’s go and see our good friend Zac and let’s go and give him some product for the Crossfire Xmas Jam!’

…. it’s a pleasure to have you in here at Crossfire HQ.

Dainton: Well Zac I’m very stoked to be in here myself sitting on this chair whilst Pritchard is sat in the hairy dog’s chair!

Pritchard: S’alright I’m used to it Daint, I got my own dog.

You have got the dog’s chair mate, really sorry about that!.

Pritchard: That’s alright!

So it’s been a long year for you guys and obviously its been a packed year and you haven’t stopped. There’s been some woe, some blood’s been spilled and there’s been hospital visits and I guess that’s we start with you Pritch!

Pritchard: Hospital visit?

Hospital visit! It’s been a nutty one innit?

Dainton: Oooooooooh! Remember the hospital visit in Brighton?

Pritchard: Ooooh! Right.

We know everything here….!

Pritchard: I went to a stag night party in Brighton, basically the party went on for a bit too long and certain narcotics went down my neck which I didn’t expect and I lost my brain, still up at about 10 in the morning, left the hotel, still no sleep, looking at chewing gums coming off the floor flying around my head – I lost it basically, ended up in hospital and I was on a drip and heart monitors and everything and they let me out about three hours later after I calmed down!

Dainton: Yeah but you told me, ‘Daint, I’ve learnt my lesson, I’m never ever doing that again’ and I’m like ‘Oh yes you will!’. ‘No, no Daint, the chewing gums were flying round in here and everything, I thought my head was gonna stop’. Pritch, tell the Crossfire listeners: Have you learnt your lesson?

Pritchard: No.

[laughs]

Pritchard: It’s all fun and games. Me and Dainton have just been on the road for the last two and a half months just doing gigs all over the country and its just constant boozing and its just gnarly constantly. It’s just booze, booze, booze, booze, narcotics, narcotics. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good laugh but it doesn’t half take some toll on your body. But it’s all finished in about two weeks and then we’re all finished. Time to relax.

More parties?

Pritchard: Well yeah more parties but with our families.

What’s relaxing when you guys get off the road? I can hardly imagine you two sitting down in front of the fire with a cigar watching one of the films at Xmas, like James Bond. Does that happen or is it not really going to happen?

Dainton: Well, I dunno. I spent some quality time with my family the other week then I made a little trip to Pritchard’s house to play a little prank on him….

Pritchard: You see, it’s non stop Zac. As soon as you think you’re in the comfort of your own home, he goes and tries to pull a fucking stunt on me, which really freaked me out.

This still goes on then, without the filming, just like the good old days?

Pritchard: Oh yeah, course it does – We’re real man!

Dainton: Just to freak him out, I made a little video. I went stalking outside his house, balaclava, camo’d up and took a filmer with me, Porno Paul, and filmed myself stalking around Pritchard’s house, spying on him. I then put it on the internet and blogged it out to 7,000 people. He saw it and went fucking ape shit!

Pritchard: I did, Zac, I did properly went “ueeeeeeergh” and had chills up my back and was like “who the fuck was that?” and then he told me it was him and then my missus saw it and went fucking nuts. He had to apologise in the end!

Dainton: His missus was almost crying, he thought I’d actually got in his house and taken his toothpaste. You really think if I went into your house I’d nick your toothpaste?

Pritchard: Daint, after all the years of abuse you’ve given me, I wouldn’t put anything past you to tell you the truth! But that’s the way it is innit?!

Dainton: But to relax, I dunno, I’d probably watch Keremy Jyle. What’s his name? Keremy Jyle?

Pritchard: Well actually, we had this weekend off so me and the missus went to…

Dainton: Oh, gay!

Pritchard: …a spa weekend in Birmingham for a de-toxifying weekend.

Just for a weekend?

Pritchard: I had a de-toxifying body wrap and it looked like I was going through cold turkey! It absolutely fucked me right up – cramps, shitting, everything!

Really? The whole lot.

Pritchard: Yeah but… I’m clean now.

Dainton: Well, till tonight!

Pritchard: I’m booked in for a colonic!

Dainton: See, how times have changed. I remember back in the day when you couldn’t afford to put 10 pence in the fucking gambler. But now you’re talking about colonics, health farms, taking your dog to fucking dog borstal.

Pritchard: Yeah but doing the job that we do, you need to clean yourself out.

Dainton: No you don’t. You do. You’re telling me I’m a paranoid fucking freak and you’re telling me you need detoxing!

Pritch: My body’s full of shit….

[laughs]

I can’t believe you’re paying for it. Normally people pay you to do it right?!

Dainton: Well yeah and you normally clean your own arsehole out with…

Brown Ale.

Dainton: Brown Ale dude.

Newcy Brown!

Pritchard: Well, it’s all fun. You’ve gotta clean yourself out to fill it back up with shit haven’t you?

Exactly, you’ve gotta have a bit of a rest. What’s been the highlight of the year for Dirty Sanchez so far?

Dainton: The highlight was pretty much just travelling around the world just filming it. Travelling around the world with your mates just fucking around, seeing all these fucking amazing places and then having a few months off and getting to the premiere and seeing all that bullshit panned out in front of you over 90 minutes. Of hell. Knocking you out with one punch.

Pritchard: Yeah, the premiere definitely.

Dainton: Getting Johnny Knoxville on your leg

Pritchard: Ha fucking ha Daint!

Your face [laughs] I wish I’d filmed that.

Pritchard: Nah, the highlight definitely the premiere. Just turning up and sitting at the cinema…

In London?

Pritchard: No, in Cardiff… thinking how the fuck did we end up on this screen?

Dainton: Come on, it’s gotta be the biggest blag ever – we’ve blagged 3 series with MTV and a movie. Who in their right minds, would give us dicks a budget to go around the world and make a film?! We’ve got a million quid to go round and just waste. Fucking great, thanks MTV! We love you.

What was the highlight when you took it round the world though? When you go on your missions, I know you’ve been to Brazil and various places like that, but what’s been the biggest one this year?

Pritchard: Thailand. I’ve never been there before, I’ve always wanted to go and when I went there, I wasn’t let down. Actually, I didn’t do that much but I didn’t wanna leave, I wanted to stay there, it’s amazing, what a place!

Dainton: Pritchard went to Ibiza for the first time this year and he told me on the way home he looked out the window and almost started crying seeing Ibiza going in the distance. Shit! That was my highlight – we went to Ibiza to go a gig, we headlined Ibiza rocks on the finishing weekend and they gave us this multi-million Euro villa up in the hills with a pool over looking Ibiza. Pritchard gave himself an enema in the swimming pool!

When there’s other people swimming in it?

Pritchard: The swimming pool has a Jacuzzi coming out and I thought ‘that’s quite powerful, I can give myself an enema in this’, pulled down my Speedos, stuck my arse right on the thing, filled my arse up full of swimming pool water, went into the bushes and had a fucking big shit!

Dainton: This is the deal though right, we’re all laughing about what we’ve done in the swimming pool and these guys that are looking after us, the gays, wicked guys, looking after us, doing all the running around for us, and we’re like ‘you’ll never guess what we did in the pool today’ and Pritch says ‘I gave myself an enema’. And they’re just like ‘Oh yeah’……But we found out that GLC were there 2 weeks before us and they’ve got a photo of them pissing into the pool, they hid the photo behind the beers at the back of the fridge and the day after they left, the band The Automatic were there.

The Automatic finished off the beer and then found a picture of them pissing into the pool after they’d been swimming in it all week! So we were like ‘Oh you think that’s funny? Well Pritchard had an enema in it’ and we told the gays this and they went ‘well, we’ve bummed in the pool’ and I’m like ‘Oh whaaaaaat’ and they said ‘we bummed in that room, we bummed in that room and we actually bummed in the pool’ so it took the edge off the enema a bit though didn’t it?

Pritchard: It certainly went silent didn’t it? It was like ‘Oh… did you…?’

And the Automatic are going to be seeing another monster over the hill soon by the sounds of it?!

Pritchard: Are they the ones that did that ‘Who’s that coming over the hill is it a monster?’?

That’s them, stupid bloody song.

Dainton: That’s those dudes.

Pritchard: Oh… I quite like it.

[laughs]

Dainton: [In robot voice] What’s that coming over the hill? Is it a monster? Is it a monster? If I fucking hear that again…

But you are renowned for having the worst music collection ever in skateboarding?!

Pritchard: You wanna see my iPod. I’m very open minded, I like a lot of different music. I mean, I even like Girls Aloud for Christ sake! I’ve got the Spice Girls on my iPod, from the Village People to Slayer to Motorhead to AC/DC, anything.

Well the latter were ok.

Dainton: Exactly! Zac, ask Pritch what magazines he’s bought today!

Come on then big boy, share me.

Pritchard: Front magazine.

Dainton: Ok, we like the guys at Front magazine, they’re cool. We’re down with the Front guys. Tell him what other fucking magazine you bought.

Pritchard: Daily Star.

That’s not a magazine.

Dainton: Yeah that’s a newspaper with pictures in. Come on, tell me, what the fuck did you buy?

Pritchard: OK Magazine!

[laughs]

Pritchard: What’s wrong with OK?! I like reading OK magazine. What do you read? Whippet Weekly or something?

You bought OK magazine?!

Pritchard: I buy it every week!

Dainton: I bought National Geographic dude, just don’t tell anybody.

Pritchard: Oh you’re so intelligent!

Dainton: I like looking at the pictures!

Planet Earth here, Planet Earth, Planet Earth!

Pritchard: Oh no, I like Planet Earth

Even skateboards can be into Planet Earth and get cred.

[phone rings]

Dainton: Hang it a minute, it’s my agent. Jez…

His agent’s on the phone?!.

Pritchard: Oh lah de dah! Oh sorry I do have to interrupt, my agent is on the phone. Hello my name’s Lee Dainton, I used to be a skateboarder, but now I’m a cunt!

Dainton: I’d just like to say to everybody out there, I have got an agent, I’ve actually got two agents to be precise!

Pritchard: Three!

Dainton: Oh yeah, we’ve got three actually. Don’t ask why. So c’mon, speak, I’m on the phone to my agent Mr OK!

Pritchard: Yeah, I read OK magazine and Dainton speaks to his agent in interviews. So there we are… Oh, you’re off the phone are you? What did he say? Ten dollars, ten dollars? Ten grand, ten grand? Fifty grand, fifty grand?

Dainton: No he said ‘speak to me when you’re a little less tied up dude’

We haven’t tied you up yet mate.

Dainton: Ooh!

Why’d you think we’ve got the Golden Cock here? Have you seen our Golden Cock?

Dainton: I’m looking at the Golden Cock now and one word springs to mind: Joyce.

[laughs]

Tell us more…

Dainton: Oh fuck! Another highlight of the year, we were invited as guests of honour to the 1st UK Porn Awards.

That’s where that Golden Cock came from., from the UK Erotic Awards 2002.

Dainton: This is just the UK Porn Awards, nothing as posh as the Erotic ones.

No but I swear to God, you wouldn’t wanna go there either. As soon as I walked through the door I saw this droid-nerd looking kid who had a pair of socks on and some school shoes and was just sat there with his whopper out.

Pritchard: His cock!?

Satan whoppercock mate. This was about 13 high and he was tweaking it in front of me with his glasses on and I just walked past with my missus thinking “no, no, no this is fucking weird.”, we got in and she said ‘get me a glass of wine’, so I went to the bar to get drinks and stuff and she goes ‘I just had to walk over in my heels, some bloke I actually stuck it right in his arse.’

Dainton: What?

And he was going ‘More! More!’

Dainton: Oh dude!

I actually had to go and pick that award up for a best friend of mine that died at Glastonbury and it was so fucking gnarly – I was dressed up as a sailor!. There’s one for skateordie..

Dainton: Haha! We had to give an award out for best gay actor and Pritchard wanted to come on naked and they said ‘nah, you can’t get naked, we haven’t got a license’ so he chucked his boxers back on. We’re giving out this award and I’m saying ‘the nominees for best gay actor are……’

Pritchard: And it was some woman.

Dainton: It was some woman yeah, so anyway she comes on stage, pulls his pants down, spread his buttcheeks and then rimmed him on stage!

You got a rimming?!

Pritchard: When she pulled them apart, I thought ‘she ain’t gonna do it’ and I felt a tongue right on my starfish and I thought ‘oh my God!’. The funny thing is, she got up and then went and gave Dainton a kiss with her tongue!

Who lost there aye?

Dainton: I know I just…

Pritchard: We had to give another award out for best gay act, so the gays who won came on stage and so I thought…

Dainton: Wait, wait, wait, stop, stop…

Pritchard: When in Rome, so I snogged a gay!

Dainton: I couldn’t believe it – you couldn’t get naked, but you could get rimmed on stage. What the fuck?

Pritchard: But the women were all getting naked, fannies out everywhere and one woman bent down on all fours on stage with her fanny facing the crowd, and I just said ‘do you mind if I fuck you with my Fosters’ bottle?’ and she went ‘yeah, no worries’, so I’m going with my Fosters’ bottle full of lager, and then pulled it out and drank out of it. I’ve probably got Chlamydia or something!

What again?

Dainton: It was just a fucking free for all. I’m on stage trying to give this award out, and this bird is under the table, getting my cock out, trying to give me a blow job live on stage. I was like ‘woah, woah, I’m not the porn star, I might be in Dirty Sanchez but I’m not a fucking porn star dude, get the fuck off my dick’

When you’re on tour though, do you get much time to skate? Take your boards with you?

Pritchard: No, we never take our boards with us because normally the Tour Manager needs to know where you are constantly and to tell you the truth, we get so wrecked after the gig, because we can’t get wrecked before we go on stage because we’re professionals, so when we get off the stage, we all just get absolutely bollocksed, go party with all these women, and by the time you wake up in the morning, you feel like shit. And then you’ve gotta go to another town and another town so it’s constantly non-stop.

Obviously you guys are both sponsored skaters, Dainton you run Kill City Skateboards and you [Pritchard] look after Globe shoe affairs in this country, riding for them.

Pritchard: I don’t look after them

No, no, but you ride for them.

Pritchard: Oh yeah…

Dainton: No, no, yeah, yeah… To be honest, I skate as much as I can when I’m home, coz obviously I gotta look after the team (Kill City) and stuff and I’m not surrounded by the party as much as Pritchard so its easier to go out and skate. And I’m also in the process of building a 20 foot mini ramp in the garden. Yesssss. So its not so bad for me but y’know you’re just an alcoholic aren’t you?

Pritchard: No, Daint, I just like to have a good time. I’m in Cardiff you get invited to all these parties and stuff and if they’re there on the doorstep then why not? You only going once, might as well make the most of it.

It’s true.

Pritchard: Because I know that when I’m 40 I’ll think ‘I wish I went to all those parties’

But will you be able to skate at 40? Do you miss the skating when you’re doing the Dirty Sanchez stuff? Because obviously it all came from skateboarding?

Pritchard: I do miss skateboarding. But every time I do get out and manage to have a skate, its fucking wicked like, I haven’t skated for ages so I wanna see if I can still do the tricks.

And how’s that? Do you get rusty?

Pritchard: Zac, you know me. I’m a trained professional. I can skate like fuck baby! ….No I can’t!

Dainton: He said we don’t take our boards…….we do take our boards. But, we were in Arizona – I don’t know if anyone out there’s old enough but there’s a scene in the first Wheels On Fire, Streets On Fire Santa Cruz videos but there’s this place in the desert in Arizona called the Love Bowls, we came across them just by accident, we skated there. And we skated some of the best skate parks in Arizona, fucking amazing. The one that TNT does a backside ollie in the Transworld video he’s got a section on.

The In Bloom one?

Dainton: In Bloom, yeah.

Pritchard: When we’re filming we get a chance to skate a bit. But when we’re on the road doing live gigs there’s just no chance. But when we’re filming, we have a little rip now and again.

Daint, you went out on the Big Push this year.

Dainton: Oh yeah, fucking hell.

I watched that video, it looked hilarious.

Dainton: It was like being in a straight jacket for a week – I had to drive and fucking film. So when I was driving, obviously I couldn’t drink, and when I got to the skateparks, I couldn’t skate, I had to film. Cates was like ‘you gotta get some footage mate’, I was telling him ‘Cates, its not 4 in the morning, I’m fucking knackered, you think I’m gonna be able to skate after bending over filming a fucking a switch crook after 6 hours? No chance’. It was fucking rad though, we had Ricky Oyola, he was cool as fuck.

We took him to Cwmbran, my home town and he said he’s seen the best skate spots outside the States in my home town, in Cwmbran! Apparently he’s gonna come back and film some stuff for his section in the Traffic video so that’s pretty fucking cool isn’t it?

And he’s had a guest board out on Death Skateboards.

Dainton: That’s right, Oyola has a guest Death board.

It’s been a good year for Death overall hasn’t it?

Dainton: Ah its been sick man, look at it. Pritchard’s got a pro-model out again, the poker board.

[laughs]

Dainton: Go on! Say something!

Pritchard: Well what’re you laughing for?!

[laughs]

Pritchard: What’s so funny about my poker board?!

Dainton: Nothing!

Pritchard: I’ll poke you with it in a minute!

Dainton: You gotta teach me poker tonight because we’re playing in a tournament and I’ve never played in my fucking life!

Pritchard: Yeeeeeah! Time to get Dainton’s money. I’ve got into poker, it’s good.

Ah, that’s why you asked for the cards.

Pritchard: Yeah, and he hasn’t played before so…

Easy money then!

Pritchard: Well from my experience of beginners, they normally end up getting to the final.

Dainton: Don’t try and fucking jinx me to spend all my fucking money you bastard!

Pritchard: Well when I first started, I kept getting into the final but now I know what I’m doing, I’m more cautious and end up not being as stupid.

So have you always been into playing poker and stuff? Your Globe shoe this year has…

Dainton: ….a gambling theme to it.

Yep and yours had a spider theme with your Etnies shoe.

Pritchard: I’ve just always enjoyed gambling and I never understood poker but I’ve started to learn this year. It’s a right laugh.

How did the shoe deals come round? Because you’ve both had a shoe out this year and you must be quite chuffed to have your name on a shoe.

Pritchard: It’s quite a funny story innit….

Dainton: I don’t think we can reveal what really happened because we might upset a few people!

I think we’ll prise it out of you.

Pritchard: Machetes, threats…

Dainton: It started off as a joke really, I told Pritch that Etnies were paying me £15,000 a year just to endorse the brand and he went to Globe and said the same thing to them and said ‘I want 15 grand a year’ and Globe went ‘Alright then!’ and I was only joking! So after that I said ‘well, they’ve given me a shoe now’ so he went to Globe and said they’d given Dainton a collaboration shoe, so they gave him a collaboration shoe and after I’d jokingly said all that, Globe gave him a £15,000 a year basic salary, a pro shoe with massive royalties, a clothing range, and I’m sat there going ‘Where’s mine?!’

Pritchard: Yeah but the thing is, the shoe companies aren’t stupid…

Dainton: They’re not stupid? They gave you a shoe!

Pritchard: Well… yeah. But they see how much we advertise their company on TV and in their eyes its worth it. We definitely didn’t get the skate shoe for skateboarding did we?!

Dainton: It’s more of a collaboration shoe but we do have a good history in skateboarding.

Pritchard: Yeah, 17 years… this is Panch!

[Cue indecipherable drunken mumbling and yowling]

That’s the worst ring tone I’ve ever heard!

Dainton: Pancho the other night got so pissed he couldn’t speak! But no, Etnies have been there sorting out a collaboration shoe with Daint and it’s done really well, it’s sold out, so I’m pretty stoked. It’s a massive honour to be sponsored by them for years and then and then turn around and say, obviously its not 100% for skating, but because of the global brand the show is…

Pritchard: I would just like to say my shoe is the best selling Globe shoe in Australia, Europe and the UK!

Dainton: Ah, you like to smell your own farts don’t you?

Pritchard: Yeah, love it! How, I don’t fucking know, but it is!

You must be stoked! Now, last time I saw you Daint, we were wasted at an Etnies party in Paris.

Dainton: Do you know what? The last time I saw you was probably the best fucking time I’ve had a party in so long!

We did take that party apart!

Dainton: Absolutely fucking ringo’d.

It was one of the best parties I think I’ve ever been to…ever. And we’ve been to a few!

Dainton: Absolutely fucking spanked!

The beer ran out and we swept mines. Every can of beer that was left in that place, we drank it!

Pritchard: The beer ran out?

Well, the party was shutting down and everyone went back to this beautiful hotel, it was ridiculous. Could you imagine, Ali Boulala, every pro skater on the planet who is on Etnies, turns up at this hotel, we get to the bar and it’s shut! So everyone’s like ‘fuck, what are we going to do?’ and the concierge comes out and says ‘Ah, if you go down zee road zere is a little discothèque’ and we thought we were in… and it turned out to be a whore-bar.

Dainton: Is that what it was?!

It was a whore-bar and there were a few girls in there. So I said I’d get the beers in, I got 3 beers and they were those little crappy Kronenbergs and it was like, £52! I said ‘you’re having a giraffe aren’t you?’. Everyone had piled into this bar, no-one could afford it, so I said to him ‘go and set a fire off at the bar’, so he set a fire off and we nicked a whole bottle of vodka!

Pritchard: Did you get a polish?

I didn’t get a polish no. But I tell you what, I could’ve done with a polish in the morning, I looked like dog shit!

Dainton: I remember for some reason I had a pot of superglue on me and I was super gluing money and fag butts to people!

I woke up with a 1 Euro coin on the back of my head!

Dainton: It was a good laugh. The worst thing was, I went to the airport the next day five hours too early, with the worst hangover ever!

I died. That was right after the Download party as well so it was four nights of Download, and you know how gnarly that place is, with Metallica playing. So yeah, that was the fifth night in a row and I came home and my house had been burgled!

Dainton: Oh shit!

Pritchard: Did you catch them?

Nah, the whole place was rumbled. But yeah, that was a good summer, that. So what about now then? You’ve just come from MTV, you’ve got stuff lined up for next year. Can you tell us anything about what’s gonna happen?

Dainton: To be honest, I’ve got a contract it my pocket, but after I’ve written it, I’ve got to eat it and forget about it for the rest of the year. It’s just one of those things, you can’t talk about it because they’ll kick your arse basically. But there’s shit in the pipeline – P vs D; Pritchard versus Dainton, but we’ll wait and see. There’s all sorts of shit happening next year to be honest, quite a lot of stuff going on. With the movie this year taking everything to the next level, so it enables us to go and fuck shit up even more.

Is it coming out on DVD?

Dainton: Yeah, 22nd of January actually it’ll be out in the UK and trust me, there’s some things on there… well I’ll tell you one thing that’s on the DVD. There’s a section on there which looks like an obituary to Pancho, it looks like he’s dead and its reminiscing on the good days of Pancho. It’s fucking gnarly.

Is it him falling asleep everywhere?

Dainton: It’s all sorts of shit, it’s brilliant.

Pritchard: Drinking, swearing, the usual stuff.

A usual day’s work in the Sanchez world.

Dainton: We’ll probably do another UK with that and then we’re off out to Australia in April to do a tour out there. Hopefully getting some more skateboarding in this year, with my ramp in the back garden. And we’re doing another Pritchard vs. Dainton skate video.

Pritchard: Hook up with Renton, mate.

You’ve gotta love Renton, there’s always a good party when Renton’s around!

Pritchard: He’s a fucking right laugh!

Where can people find you online in between now and the release?

Dainton: Well basically, if they want to find out our movements of tours and shit, sadly I have to say you can find me on www.myspace.com/dainton

Pritchard: And you can find me on www.myspace.com/pritchardswyd

Dainton: On there it tells you what gigs we’ve got coming up, where we’re going. It’s got some video blogs and some bullshit on there, it’s pretty amusing and shit with Pancho, unseen stuff, so if you want to check us out there for the time being, because the Pritchard vs Dainton site is still not constructed because we’re absolute lazy cunts.

Pritchard: There’s actually more stuff on the myspace isn’t there? Video footage, photos, dates, like you said.

Dainton: And the infamous “Spunk Chops” is on there if you want to check that out. I won’t any more you cunt Pritchard!

I don’t want to hear any more!

Dainton: Eleven men’s spunk, yeah great!

Pritchard: Stitched him up big time, he deserves it. Got eleven men’s spunk on his face and he didn’t know!

Dainton: And you kissed a gay guy!

Pritchard: Well, yeah I know…..

Dainton: And you’ve got “I love Dainton” on your cock.

It’s official! He’s out, at Crossfire, we’ve revealed it!

Pritchard: No, no, no I’m joking!!!!

Dainton: Before we shoot off in a shit hurricane, past your place, up to Birmingham.

I hope my place is still alive after today’s tornado!

Dainton: Me and Pritchard developed a new form of relaxation the other night.

Pritchard: Ooooh yes, wicked!

Dainton: It’s called the ball-cuzzi. Do you know what a ball-cuzzi is?

It sounds like a sort of teabagging experience….

Dainton: It’s quite therapeutic actually, we were at this hotel in Durham and the teapot was the perfect size. So basically, you get a teapot and fill it with warm water and then you put your balls in it and your mate blows through the spout and it gives you a ball-cuzi!

Pritchard: It’s fucking wrong!

Dainton: Its as close to giv…yeah its pretty borderline but if you’re secure…

Pritchard: It’s like giving your mate a blowjob…

Dainton: No! It’s nothing like giving your mate a blowjob!

Pritchard: It’s close to the same idea though innit?!

Dainton: No, no, no, no, no! No! Look, if I had a longer tea-spout I’d blow my own jacuzzi!

Pritchard: I tell you what, if anyone was looking through the window of that hotel room that night… “Oh, I’ll go first, I’ll blow” and then we swapped over. It was so fucking gay and it’s all on camera as well!

It’s official, Pritch is out…..

Dainton: I tell you what, just because we left it with a bit of a dark, gay tone – not that there’s anything wrong with being one of those dudes, it’s fine, my girlfriend’s dad is gay, we hug, its ok – we’ll give Zac at Crossfire the edited footage of the ball-cuzzi and he can put it up on Crossfire real soon!

We’ll put it up for sure.

Pritchard: You can’t have stuff like that up on Crossfire!

We can do what we want!

Pritchard: Oh can we now? Wahey!

Ok, let’s cut this shit. Thanks for coming in and good luck!

Pritchard: Cheers Zac!

Dainton: Cheers boyo!