Album Reviews

Hard Ons

Hard Ons
Alfalfa Males Once Summer is Done Conform or Die
(Boss Tuneage)

Alfalfa Males Once Summer Is Done Conform Or Die
Boss Tuneage

A brand new 19 song album from Sydney’s perennial noiseniks The Hard Ons, and if you’re having a little trouble trying to unscramble the title, it reads a little better as “Alfalfa Males : Once Summer is Done : Conform or Die” – in other words three album titles in one, and as good a directive as any to the musical mission you are about to embark on.

There are big, burly punk rocking numbers, laden with chunky riffage and snotty fuck-you vocals that hit you right in the chops. There are sugar frosted songs dripping in melody and a general sense of feel good fuzziness. And then hellfire and damnation is unleashed to the tune of crushing bolts of frenzied cranium crunching noise to batter your senses in a brutal sonic attack.

Are you keeping up with all this? There are no half measures, and whether the boys are laying down some primo syrupy tuneage or shredding your senses, the delivery hits you like torpedo. And there’s some typically not-so-obvious humour, “The Media Frenzy That Followed” especially cracked me up and reminded me of a hilarious conversation about sport being like cuisine!! Whilst “Keep Talking My Eyes Aren’t Completely Glazed Over” is one of the best song titles you’ll hear all year!

It would be so fuckin’ easy for the Hard Ons to rest on their laurels and just rehash the old hits, but they refuse to comply and pander to the masses, and that’s why I always look forward to hearing what gonzoid jams they’ll come up with next. And this album is right up there, quality collection of songs.

Pete Craven.


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