The East Midlands was rocked by an earthquake last night recorded at 3.8 in magnitude as over 1000 reports of tremors and buildings shaking were logged from people in Oakham and as far away as Dudley, where nothing ever happens.
The tremors were said to have lasted up to 10 seconds at a time, fueled by deafening roars that went to ’11’. Many heavy metal fans in the Birmingham area believe this to be directly linked to an aftershock from a punch thrown by Black Sabbath’s infamous bass player Geezer Butler, whose bar brawl in Death Valley, California was said to have been laden with seismic Satan approved energy, blowing out windows in the Corkscrew Saloon at Furnace Creek Ranch.
Butler, aged 65, was immediately arrested, put behind bars and charged for using highly illegal heavy metal superpowers for a misdemeanour assault, public intoxication and vandalism. Neither Butler nor Black Sabbath have issued an official statement as broken glass and tiles are swept up on both sides of the Atlantic and structural engineers assess the damage to offices, homes, churches and cathedrals.
Sources inside the police station are said to have banned lead singer Ozzy Osbourne from visiting the bass player as it’s rumoured that Butler and other Sabbath band members use a secret power socket as a direct source to regenerate their superpowers.
