First off, I think I should mention that I’m writing this review whilst listening to Carcass “Symphonies of Sickness” just because it automatically tells you, the reader, how cool I actually am. Note- gore rather than black metal- which is a bit gay nowadays. Plus Carcass are from the Midlands, like Black Sabbath.
Right, so I got this Heathen deck to review- which is rad because I’m a stinky skinflint and hate paying for boards. So I’m automatically going to say I love this board because it’s free. I mean seriously, what can you write about a skateboard- they’re all the same. Would carcass write a review on scalpel blades? No. They’d be too busy using them to bisect soon-to-be cadavers.
I’m not too sure about Heathen- I’m getting mixed messages from this board. For example, there’s a pirate ship on the bottom of this deck. Which is gay. Carcass wouldn’t write a song about a pirate ship. Well, maybe post “Heart work”- but no good metal band stays sick forever. Even Sabbath went wibbly wobbly. But what’s confusing is that the pirate ship has the Black Flag bars on one of its flags and an inverted crucifix on another. Both of these symbols are seals of approval. If you see a live band you’ve never even heard of, you can tell how shit they’ll be if not one of the band members has the bars tattoo. As soon as you see those 4 wobbly lines embedded under someone’s skin, you know they’re going to rip. Even more so if it’s a d.i.y blade and biro ink jobby. But why put them on a flag of a pirate ship? Pirates are gay- you never see chicks on pirate ships. I read that Pirates used to fuck stingray mouths because it feels exactly like quamf- not that’d they’d know, because they’re all gay.
I’d love this board much more if they did away with the pirate ship altogether and just had the bars or the inverted crucifix filling up the whole graphic. Inverted crucifixes are just as rad, but you can’t trust good all fashioned Satanism like you used to- not everyone who dons the upside down cross owns copies of the first two Bathory albums.
On top of the wood is also a top graphic of a shark jawbone- top graphics are hot because you get to cut massive holes in your grip tape- and if you push mongo, means you ain’t going to put holes in the bottoms of your sole shuffling your foot around. I’m mongo. No shit. Not that it matters, because I just covered the top in Skulls stickers anyway. I heard one of the guys involved in Heathen has the same jawbone image tattooed on his side or hip or something. Bad move- the only legit skate tattoo is the Thrasher logo– they’re the only thing in skateboarding you can swear by.
Other things to note about this skateboard-
-it’s wood.
-it has a nose and a tail.
-it has concave.
-it has 8 holes so you can attach your trucks to the bottom- not that you would -because you’re too busy reading this rubbish online.
-it has a really gay pirate saying on the graphic- something like “No Love lost” or something. Love?! Love is for gays. Carcass don’t write songs about love.
In conclusion, apart from the graphics, this board is great. And is from a British company. So if I were to ever buy a board, which I don’t like doing, I’d definitely buy British skateboards. Carcass are British. See what I’m sayin’?
7/10
Zombie
The paint was still drying on the ramps when the doors opened at 12pm to celebrate 
With the majority of skaters split between the low and light or tough and buff designed trucks, it doesn’t leave much attention for the dozen other axle companies out there fighting for the undecided consumers. Often this competition leads to silly gimmicks being thrown into the mix. 
Turns aside, essentially trucks bear the brunt of harsh grinds and slides. The Krux Barlettas performed well and didn’t stick or slip when I attacked metal, marble or stone surfaces. If anything everyone, myself included, got a good laugh at the Louie Barletta portrait of shock and horror emblazoned on each truck. The fear of an endless grind obviously worried the fellow.
The tragic death of 
Oh yes! The second year in a row for the best bowlriding event in the world to hold its final at one of Europe’s best skate parks. The second year in a row for the event to have toilets installed for the thousands of visitors. The second year in a row for the podium to be a Euro only affair – Actually, it went one better this year. Yep. This time around the final consisted solely of Europeans. Not that I want to get competitive – but a solely European final in an international event of such stature. Hat’s off to Europe on the come up!
Anyway – The competition. For the 24 skaters in the quarters, last years top 8 were pre-qualified (and therefore avoiding the initial heats). Chris Senn, Ross Mcgouran, Rune Glifberg, Micky Iglesias, Alain GX, Chris Cudlipp, Andy Scott, and Daniel Cardone were the talented few to achieve this. Yeah, I know what you are thinking – but Omar Hassan and Benji Galloway were a no show so they got replaced. 
Through the heats and quarter finals, Mattias Nylén had the runs of his life. 360 Indy’s over the spine, Frontside Blunts in the deep end. He couldn’t fall off. Andy Scott blew minds during the quarters. Alley-Oop Kickflip Mute in the deep like it ain’t no thang. John Magnusson has lines in this park. I guess it is fair to say that he has the advantage of knowing every inch of this park – literally. The one surprising thing was Daniel Cardone – and sadly not in the same way as last year. He fell off. A lot. I guess it just wasn’t his weekend. Everyone gets that. 
Unluckily for Frederik Austbo he managed to injure himself during practice a little earlier. A quick round for the third place members from each heat to decide who would replace Frederik and it turns out that Daniel Cardone has another chance to impress. The performance didn’t last – Only Rune Glifberg, Ross McGouran, Alain GX, John Magnusson, Nicky Guerrero and Mattias Nylén made it through.
Jamie Thomas has added another company to the ever-increasing Black Box brand.
The