News reached us two weeks ago from a survey carried out by Co-operative Funeralcare that a quarter of funeral homes have a black-list of songs they won’t allow to be played at services because they feel they are inappropriate. The list brought up a few classics that you would expect to make the cut for the crack, such The Trammps’ ‘Disco Inferno’ (“burn baby burn”) and John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’ (“Imagine there’s no Heaven”).
With shit pop music being requested these days more than Hymns, we decided that we would run our own list of the Top 5 tracks we reckon would never get played as your casket hits the flames. Delve in for the most disgusting offerings we could conjure up.
#5. MEAT SHITS – GENITAL INFECTION
You’re never going to hear the Meat Shits at a funeral. In fact, you’re unlikely to hear them anywhere. Only the truly disturbed had any time for this utterly nauseating porno grind combo. Their singer Robert Deathrage is a horrible little fucker obsessed with violent porn, gore and anything that could offend. They released endless seven-inch singles, all of which are utterly unlistenable, featuring short blasts of badly recorded violent noise, cut with clips from porn and horror films. It’s safe to say that Robert has probably never had a girlfriend, and probably never will.
#4. ANAL CUNT – YOU WERE TOO UGLY TO RAPE, SO I JUST BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU.
Anal Cunt were the chief influence on the Meat Shits. The difference being that Anal Cunt served their offensive music and lyrics up with a large dollop of humour. That aside, singer Seth was also a horrible, ugly little fuckhead and when he died in 2011 we doubt too many people cried about it. We wonder if any of his music did get played at his funeral? We doubt it, it’s horrible. Some of the song titles are genius though.
#3. AUTOPSY – SHIT EATER.
Look at the album cover! There’s a man with a turd in his mouth! Would you really want this played at your funeral? Oh you do? YOU SICK FUCKS!
#2. GG. ALLIN – FUCKING THE DOG.
GG Allin needs to introduction. He was the ultimate in disorder and chaos and ‘upset’ was his middle name. Crossfire never gets tired of watching ole’ GG roll around in his own poo poo onstage, smashing his face in with a microphone and waving his little willy about. His funeral was very impressive though, like a huge biker-rally that snaked across the country. You can bet GG had his own music played at his funeral, but would you want it played at yours?
#1. JIMMY SAVILLE, JINGLE JANGLE JEWELLERY
The way things are going right now it looks like Jimmy Savile may end up having a second funeral; after they’ve dug him up, sent his corpse to court, tried him for his multiple crimes and then buried him again. The horrible little bastard. This song’s well catchy though!