James Gardner Interview

James Gardner sneaked into the spotlight in the UK just over 2 years ago when he hooked up with various riders from the now defunct O.G Distribution to film the Never Been Loved DVD.

A few trips later including a run-in with the Barcelona police, sponsorship hook ups and some healthy mentions in UK magazines, Gardner is ready to answer Ralph LD's questions delivered by the bald bastard also known as Nic Powley.

Photographs are courtesy of the wonderful Richie Hopson

Do you want to just freestyle it right now?

If you like...you don't have any questions then?

Yeah but they're pretty bent, I'll just get them,hang on...Right I’m making this up as I go along and adding some other shit. Right, just get through all the normal shit - full name:

This is whack...I hate this shit...I mean...who the hell wants to know anything about me!?

I certainly don't. We could talk about something else if you like! It's all the joys of being sponsored!

I dont mind - lets just get it over with!

Anytime, not like I have a Sidewalk ad to do today!

Haha - you should put that in there...

I'm going to put all this in, just to show what a retard you are!

Piss... oh well... can you just get on with it now... Neighbours is on in a minute!

Ok I"ll just put all the normal shit in the front like your name and sponsors etc. I'll pretend I asked you all that! (James Gardner, twentyish, Globe and Crème) do you want to do this after neighbours?

Wait... its not on for like another hour.

Cool, right here's some of the Crossfire questions. Firstly what exactly are you studying at college?

Digital film and video production, thats pretty crap question!

Hey I just ask them. Sorry, we couldn't afford Parkinson. It's an opener, I”m leading into...So did you choose the course so you could move to London or was that just a side effect?

Well I’ve had an interest in video through making little scene videos back home. It was just one of those things that all worked out right...I moved down here to skate cus it was going nowhere in Hereford obviously and I had totally out grown the place and now I’m doing something productive outside of skating so that keeps me occupied too... although I’ve had as shit load of essays over the last few weeks so that’s not so good...did I answer that?

Yeah it was a good answer I think. So has London lived up to your expectations as far as skating and partying?

Skating wise its been amazing. I've met loadsa new faces and there are some really good things to skate down here... I still get more of a kick outta skating new things all the time though.... so I'm always out and about if I can... Southbank is amazing but it can really get a bit samey. As for partying, I'm usless with all that shit.

You suck with girls that's why. You're also a bit 'socially awkward'. So do you have any long term plans, you've got another year at college right?

Yep - when I'm done I'm gonna come and live with you and get a job so I can save to go to Australia. Thatss a little bit of a plan but who knows where I'll be by then, things happen...WAIT! I'm not socially awkward you prick! And I AM CERTAINLY NOT SHIT WITH THE LADIES!

Ha ha, that was a slow response!. Yeah, Australia is pretty much a skate mecca these days. Any other travel plans? Where's the best place you've been so far?

Skate wise maybe Barca? Wait, that's an obviously rubbish answer. Probably Kickflips, the ply-lite skatepark in Ledbury near Hereford, that place kills it. I'll go wherever, there's stuff to skate and enjoy anywhere.

Good answer. I remember once I skated the worst 'park' ever with King and Chesson, it was covered in shit, holes in the ramps etc and I still remember it as a brilliant day. I wasn't going to bring this up as I don't want it to haunt you but... are you still enjoying skating when you're chucking a stress?

I always enjoy skating... well... haha... ummm..... I've said it before you know but its just one of those things. I'm not an angry person AT ALL but some days I just get so annoyed with myself. Its kinda not around anymore, ask Ross. I only used to get it when I couldnt land something I could obviously do. I've seriosuly learnt to deal with it now, I just sit it out. You just gotta remember its just skating really, not the end of the world. I guess it helps though as it means i gotta try new shit all the time.

As you know I'm an ex-stresser too. Sometimes you just want to die! Obviously people see you stressing and they think you're a dick or whatever, does that bother you?

Yeah I guess it does really because I'm not like that at all and people that know me will tell you that. It probably looks bad on me and also you to an extent so its really not a positive thing at all... JUST DROP IT NOW!

Yeah yeah. I dropped it. I guess kids look up to sponsored skaters like it's some kind of dream for them. How's the reality? Have you enjoyed where your skateboard journey has taken you so far?

Yes of course... its been rad. Like I said before I've been doing videos and stuff for a while now so the whole photos and video thing doesn't bother me. I love it. To get something productive out of skating is such a bonus! Its good though, as if I didn't get free stuff theres no way I could afford to do it. Its an expensive... sport?! If you can really call it a sport I dunno. But anyways it hasn't really taken me that far so far but I'm so happy on the path I'm on right now... I think! I think its only natural to question where you're headed and what you're really doing with your time etc.... but you just gotta do what feels right and that's what I'm doing. Plenty of time to get a job and a life when I can't walk anymore!

I'm all out of ideas of what to ask you now. Any suggestions?

Nope - if anyones read this far they gotta be pretty tweaked!

Ha ha yeah I'm falling asleep on my keyboard. Who wants to talk about skating anyway. Tell us about The Toucher.

That's an amazing question! Was about time! Basically the toucher was a little film that me and some friends made on a boozy night which ended up being an extra on one of those videos I was talking about. To be fair I don't think anyone should really be made aware of that. Its dark... but not in a homo erotic way which I'm sure some dirty bastards out there might be thinking!

The worst was Skat Daddy - I'm glad im nothing to do with that one, itsjust plain wrong. Yeah that made me feel a bit ill and I"m a sick bastard!

Hahaha - I know!

I never spoke to you about this really but how good was that Turbo Negro gig?

Oh God that was fucking awesome. I was RIGHT at the front, it went off! Can you believe Juliette And The Licks were supporting too. My mate grabbed her tit, it was the best. They didn't play Drenched In Blood OR Death From Above, but I can't complain, it seriosuly was amazing.

Did they do that 'I Got Erection'?

Haha - she was wearing the most amazing outfit, Juliette Lewis obviously. It was like white pvc with a zip on her crotch. Oh yeah they played that in the encore. Everyone was chanting "I got erection!"

Fucking amazing. Gutted I chose that day to have a major spaz out!

Yeah - that was terrible, but live and let live I guess...you little cry baby!

This is sort of back to skating but you were expressing some views on 'plazas' the other day, do you have anything to say on that?

All I was saying though is that the term plaza is being thrown around a load at the moment pretty whimsically. I think that Stoke is a good example of a skate plaza/ facility but that Prisick place just looks like a skatepark to me... but I haven't been there so to be fair I can't really say.

I see what you're saying. My gripe with both Stoke and Prissick is that they're tranny free except a fuck off big bowl, they need to have a bit of everything you know, like a good mix of sizes. Do you think it would be unhealthy for skating as a whole if only plazas started getting built?

Totally, you need a bit of everything and just a stupidly big bowl in a mass of blocks would ruin shit.

Ok I've got an 'ender' for you. Just came in from Woody on the e-mail because I told him we were doing this.

Haha - great.

For £1 million which of the following tasks would you choose:

A. Get Bummed? (bloke)
B. Bum someone? (bloke)
C. have a penis reduction? (2" for 5", 2.5" for 6", 3" for 7", 3.5" for 8" etc, etc)
D. Have a stunt Wank in the middle Harvey Nicks on a busy Saturday resulting in arrest and national public humiliation so that no girl will ever go near you again?

That's the funniest thing I've heard all week.

He's got such homo tendencies!

Like I'm even going to dignify your childish behaviour with a response! Grow up potty mouth.

You have to answer. Personally I'd go for penis reduction as half of an 18 incher is still a good portion!

Haha - nah - I'd go for Harvey Nicks I reckon cus there's no way it would make national headlines and even if it did I can just claim dare. Moreover, I reckon some chicks would be into it. But thats not my answer.

What is then?

I don't have one.

Well then, are you going to admit to being ginger today?

That would be like you admitting you have hair or that you don't look like the yellow bastard outta Sin City - cus you do! Whereas I do not have ginger hair, ask any of the chicks I've been with. They'll confirm it for you! haha. I think she left the country though, that one chick I've been with.

I don't even want to talk to any girl that's been near you!

Dude - Neighbours has just satrted!

Do you want to do some thanks then because I"ve got to drop some kids off at the pool!

Ok yeah I'd like to thank me and me alone as if it weren't for me then I wouldn't be where I am today. Rest of you can fuck off.

Amazing. You're a cock! Send me over a pic for the interview.

How about Globe shoes, Creme skatebaords, Crutch distribution, Cide skateshop and French and Rich in particular.

That's better, play nicely. I'm getting stomach ache, I feel like I'm sitting on an egg, I'm out of here. Enjoy Neighbours you fag.

Laters queer!

If you would like to watch footage of James in Barca, click here.